Before marriage, dating was about pursuing and being pursued. Typically, a man pursued a woman by wooing her and by treating her well within the context of the date. This kept the excitement, interest, intrigue, and mystique in the relationship and served to bring them closer together.
The problem comes after marriage. Suddenly, the husband doesn’t feel the intense need to pursue her anymore. After all, he’s won her-he caught her-so there is a subconscious feeling that there is no need to pursue. Soon enough, tragically, interest begins to wan and that which brought the relationship together is no longer an active part of the marriage.
Dating, for the married couple, will renew much of the interest, intrigue, and mystery that they once held for each other. There was a time when a man used his imagination in the planning of a date, he made time for his girlfriend, and he put his best foot forward to impress her. And it worked. He won her heart and she won his as she responded to his pursuit. If a married couple could get back to that, the marriage will remain much healthier.
WHY DATING IS IMPORTANT FOR THE HUSBAND
Dating reintroduces the pursuit of a woman for a man. When that pursuit is of his wife, it is healthy. It will keep your interest focused on where it ought to be and will assist in stopping the wondering eye.
It is preferable that the husband plans the dates. For a man, planning for something, scheming to bring something to pass is what makes it important to him. I believe that God created man with an innate desire to dominate his environment. Women, on the other hand, typically want to dominate their relationships. So if the man will plan for the date, prepare for it, he will enjoy watching her reaction to his plans and his created environment. It is part of the pursuit!
A married man is no longer pursuing a woman’s hand in marriage-at least he ought not to be. Now, however, he ought to pursue his wife in other ways, for other reasons. He doesn’t want to lose her affection and interest. Dating, specifically the dates he plans, will pursue this with his wife. She will react to it gladly.
Her reactions, hopefully, will fill him with a sense of accomplishment and will serve to rekindle the love and attraction in their relationship.
WHY DATING IS IMPORTANT FOR THE WIFE
Most women love to be pursued. To have a man pursue her is, I believe, part of her innate desire to be secure in her relationships. Security for a woman is perhaps one of the most essential elements in her relationships. If a man goes out of his way for her, then that provides her with much needed security.
The date provides a woman with the opportunity to express appreciation and need to her husband that feeds his interest and intrigue. It would be good if the wife wrote a thank you note, or did something special by way of gratitude and appreciation for the date. This will fire his desire and resolve to continue his pursuit of her.
The byplay in dating helps to renew her feelings of being pursued by a man she loves. This, in turn, helps to be more forgiving, less suspicious, and less demanding of her husband when she knows he is indeed pursuing her.
All around, dating is a very important ingredient to a healthy marriage.
To learn more, or to get the Author’s book, Fitly Spoken, a book on developing communication and social skills for relationships, visit: www.fitlyspoken.org