When the National Football League owners locked out their players in March, the entire nation went into a collective panic. How long will the lockout last? Will the season be cancelled? How can America go without its beloved football? We won’t have to watch soccer, will we?
Now that the labor dispute has stretched into the summer, I’m beginning to get used to the idea of a football-less autumn. In fact, a missed football season may be a good thing! Here are three reasons the NFL lockout should continue.
I live in the Pacific Time Zone. Here, NFL Sunday begins at 10 AM. My home team normally plays the early game while my wife’s home team tends to play the later game. We also love the spectacle of the nationally televised game in the evening.
As we have several games to watch, we spend our NFL Sundays at the local sports bar. That means we’re at the bar for almost ten hours. That’s ten hours of beer, chicken fingers, beer, nachos, beer, Buffalo wings, and the occasional beer.
One Sunday of football is good for about eight pounds of weight gain. If the NFL season doesn’t happen, that’s 136 pounds I stand not to gain. And that’s just the regular season!
I’m sure you absolutely love life, Green Bay Packers fans. Good for you. But most of us root for teams that didn’t win it all last season, or most seasons, to be honest.
The mental destruction caused by our beloved football teams is as varied as the NFL’s uniforms. My wife is a fan of the Chicago Bears. She had the joy of watching her team overachieve to an 11-5 record, only to be left a quivering pile of pudding when the Bears were destroyed by the Packers in the NFC Championship game. She has yet to fully recover.
Me, I have the distinct honor and pleasure of being a Buffalo Bills fan. The 2010 season was 17 straight weeks of abject misery. Heck, I have been crying almost non-stop since Super Bowl XXV. I will never fully recover.
A missed season will be good for the psyche. My wife won’t have to endure Jay Cutler getting sacked nine times a game and I won’t have to watch the Bills trying to figure out what that inflated brown thing with the two pointy ends is.
The Acting Career of Peyton Manning
Peyton Manning can throw a perfect pass. Peyton Manning can read an opposing defense like no other. More importantly, Peyton Manning sure can act.
The Indianapolis Colts quarterback has been entertaining us in commercials for years. Whether he’s playing an NFL quarterback or an NFL quarterback in disguise, Peyton Manning has an uncanny ability to make Americans enjoy commercials.
And let’s not forget his longer form work, like his appearance as himself on The Simpsons. Manning also had a memorable gig guest-hosting Saturday Night Live. He was hilarious as an NFL quarterback running a youth football camp.
Commercials, television shows, and, dare I say it, feature films take a good deal of time to make. If the NFL lockout continues, Peyton will have plenty of free time to appear in every commercial on every channel. Except for the one starring Eli.
The NFL lockout will be difficult. It will destroy a Sunday routine many of us have experienced since birth. We will have to find new outlets for our joy, our anger, our devotion.
We can get through this. At least we’ll still have the NBA. What? Nooooooooo!!!