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I am a 16-year-old with parents fairly relaxed about most things. However, they refuse to let me watch The Hangover. They have let me watch other movies portraying questionable behavior, but not this one. I have always stayed out of trouble, I’ve never touched alcohol or drugs, and I’m committed to abstaining from sex until marriage. Normally I wouldn’t care too much, but they let my 12-year-old brother watch it. Does this make any sense?
No, it doesn’t make any sense that your parents would allow a 12-year-old boy to watch a movie that glorifies drunkenness, debauchery, and sexual permissiveness. However, I can easily understand why good parents would prevent a 16-year-old from watching it.
You didn’t mention your gender, but based on the content of your letter, I suspect you are a girl. If so, your parents are probably trying to insulate you from conduct they would find more acceptable for a boy of similar age. If you are a boy, then your parents most likely fear that you would understand more about the movie than your little brother and feel tempted to engage in some of the activities attempted by the characters in the movie. Neither the two reasons I’ve postulated nor any others I can imagine fully explain your parents’ double standard.
If your parents had asked me a question regarding this topic, I’d have said that nobody under 21 has any business watching this movie, and nobody of any age will be edified by it. Your history of conduct is admirable, but it has no bearing on whether your parents or any other parents should allow a child to watch The Hangover.
I work Thursday thru Sunday, five hours a day. My mother watches my two young kids Thursday and Friday, while my husband takes over on weekends. However, my mother just took a job that requires her to work Thursday and Fridays. I can either cut my days down to Saturday and Sunday only or I can put the kids in day care on Thursday and Friday. We don’t need my income, but I love my job. Before this my husband and I both agreed that we didn’t want to put our kids in day care. I don’t know what to do, but I know that it hurts me more to think of losing 10 hours of my work week than it does to think of the kids in day care for 10 hours a week. What should I do?
First, you must realize that this not your decision alone. You and your husband had reasons for choosing not to put the kids in day care. The two of you must address that issue. Why did you originally make that pledge? Do the factors that spurred you to make the choice to avoid day care still apply? If the only thing that has changed is your finding a job you enjoy enough to go back on that pledge, then think very carefully before doing so.
Obviously, you would prefer to continue working. Even if you don’t need the money, there are benefits to continuing to work, most notably the accrual of seniority and gaining of experience. Women do face a tangible cost when they decide to quit their jobs or lessen their work hours so they can stay home with the kids.
However, there are also plenty of benefits ‘” to both children and parents ‘” when a parent stays home. I suspect you understand those pluses without my explaining them.
I cannot tell you whether you should cut back your work hours or use day care because there is no definitively correct answer, and I don’t know either you or your husband well enough to determine which option makes the most sense for your family. The best solution is one that works for both of you and ensures that your children receive the best possible care.
Be honest when sharing your concerns with your husband, and show him the respect and courtesy he deserves by giving some thought to his own concerns. Only together can you make a wise decision.
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