I’m doing a double recap – two episodes in one … sometimes when I watch “the Wives” the drama just seems to meld one week into another – so why not meld one article into another … one thing’s for sure – it never gets boring. But after a few episodes of the “Housewives of Blonde County,” this brunette is starting to feel a little blonde herself. As amazingly different my life is from those of the ladies of OC, or the housewives of anywhere for that matter, I still try to identify with their psyche, to get my head wrapped around the things these ladies do, think and say. Honestly, it’s not easy, but it sure as heck is fun.
Still, the next episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County is on again tonight, so let’s catch up, quickly:
Shameless in Seattle – March 13, 2011 and A New Lease on Life – March 20, 2011
Gretchen has to be the one Housewife that draws my attention the most, even though I wish it weren’t so. I’m not really feeling her this Season, whereas before, I just wanted to come to her aid and defense when the other Wives seem to pick her apart last Season.
Gretchen starts her day with hot rollers and a soft-core Slade slashing, a piece of bacon and a shower repair (ala Slade). Slade and Shawna, Gretchen’s assistant, are both Gretchen’s employees yet she treats them very differently. Shawna gets more respect than Slade, in my opinion. It’s also my opinion that Slade kind of likes it that way.
While Slade fantasizes about still being in the “honeymoon phase” of their relationship, Gretchen likes to call him “tubba wubba,” and cuckolds him in front of her gays, telling them he’s usually too tired for sex, therefore it would be impossible for her to be pregnant. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I could almost here a whipping sound in the background, and found myself saying “ouch” aloud, several times. I wonder if they’re locked in some strange vortex where they are having a relationship, just not the same one. But hey if Slade likes to be Gretchen’s whipping boy, who am I to judge?
Vicki, Vicki. Vicki loves working and she loves Seattle. Seattle seems to love her back. While away on an insurance conference, she didn’t just talk the talk, she walked the walk, working hard and playing harder. She invited her daughter Brianna to stay with her so it’s not like she’s about to cheat on Donn, but let’s just say it’s more fun without the old ball and chain (Donn) who would rather be home with his new puppy in Codo. I think she just truly loves to have a good time. But when a certain bowler-drinker-friend-associate was putting the moves on Vicki, it seemed pretty clear to everyone, mostly Brianna, that Vicki is either holding back or just way more clueless about such things than you’d expect. It’s a tough call to make. I guess it depends on if Vicki or the booze was steering that boat, but she seemed to like the attention, and straight or buzzed, she never seemed the clueless type to me. And despite renewing their love for one another recently, it seems that Donn’s still into relaxing while Vicki is busy renovating. Wonder if Donn knows Vicki’s planning on selling the house at this point. As we all know, beyond the show, Andy Cohen’s more updated info, Donn and Vicki are about to split. I was really rooting for them.
We met Alexis’ friend Peggy her hubby Micah and their two girls, London and Capri, finally. Peggy is a vitamin chugging, Ooze-packing, supermom. Alexis and Peggy are the quintessential California blondes with the fake boobs, two-point-something kids, somewhat handsome hubbies with money and a fierce need to outdo on another. To say the Peggy-Alexis friendship is competitive is putting it mildly. A day at the park with these two was more like a stop at the Tit-for-Tat Club, complete with nails out and botox smiles on! I was suddenly reminded of the movie “The Stepford Wives” only these two had actual personalities that they just couldn’t contain. I’m sure these scenes are edited to the max, but no amount of editing could misconstrue this dysfunctional friendship.
We also got to finally meet Eddie, Tamra’s new amore. Tamra’s real estate partner, Marcos, introduced them to each other. I wasn’t even aware that Tamra was doing real estate or had a partner for that matter. Wait, was I lost in another blonde bubble of oblivion? Was I the only one who missed that information? Anyway, Eddie asks Marcos, “Do you feel a bit like Cupid,” and he admits he does, and seeming quite pleased about it.
Tamra is having the time of her life, and I’ve never seen her more vibrant and alive. Eddie has brought back the spark I always knew existed inside, and suddenly I feel like if I saw Simon I’d just have to hand him a hanky and let him cry himself into self-controlling oblivion. Needless to say, I will not be missing Simon. Of all the RHOC, Tamra is the most normal and fun-loving of the bunch, and I like her knew-found freedom and empowerment. Not to mention, who wouldn’t be over the moon with Eddie. I too am a sucker for a guy with a clef chin, who is five years younger, and has a smile that could light a candle. Speaking of candles, if you missed the bathtub scene, you need to watch it on BravoTV.com. Holy baptism, Batman! The couple are planning a romantic trip to a beach in Spain and I’m really exited for them.
In what appears to be a very Latin-spice themed episode, Tamra and Vicki meet for cervecas and margaritas and make a concerted and heart-felt effort to repair their damaged relationship – and they should because you know what they say – you should always choose friends over boyfriends (or in this case, husbands). A girl’s trip to Cabo suggestion by Tamra gets a big “woo-hoo” and I think it’s going to be fun.
Jim and Alexis take a trip to San Diego with the kids and nanny, sans nanny’s one bag of luggage. Really Jim? When Tamra compares Alexis’ relationship with Jim to Tamra and Simon’s relationship, I think Alexis should have perked her ears up more. Jim and Alexis blow off the kids for a side trip to LaJolla to go jewelry shopping and I thought Alexis would cry when Jim bought himself two $20,000 watches and nothing for Alexis. Kudos to Alexis on holding back the tears, it seemed like a struggle. Jim may live with Alexis on Jesus Lane too, but he’s the devil when it comes to dangling carrots in Alexis face and then not making the purchase. Whoa, what the heck was that all about?
Before I wrap this up, can I just mention Peggy’s mother-in-law, the homeopathic whoser-whatser. I’m just so amazed by modern technology that I can barely compute being able to use your laptop to program hormones into a holographic bracelet with a hologram generator. Wasn’t Peggy on Star Trek? I think her laptop was. Have we really come to the point of science where a hormone can be downloaded in Windows (or Apple) and then uploaded into a Mardi Gras balloon tie bracelet thingy. Holy cow, I had no idea – chalk it up to another brunette moment for LJ. Who would’ve thunk it?