Mixed Blessings: A How to Guide for White Men, Asian Men, and Latino Men Who Are Interested in Dating and Marrying Black Women

A black woman is no different than any other woman when it comes to love, commitment, and marriage. The media portrays black women as gold diggers who are ill tempered and always ready to fight. The real truth is that color of skin shouldn’t matter when it comes to God creating love through a beautiful couple. God is love. He created the rainbow as a perfect show of His love that He would never destroy the world again with water. He who is Love, loves love, and if that love happens to involve a white man loving a black woman enough to want to tell the whole world by giving himself to her in marriage, then let God be God. The same can be said with a black man loving a white woman. It doesn’t matter the mixture of the hues, as long as the man and woman of God’s choice come together in His Son’s name, Jesus Christ, beauty will be shown through an explosion of love and passion.

White man, Asian man, and Latino man: Here is your guide to dating and marrying your future Black queen. May God lead you to the woman that was hand picked for you by Him. In Jesus Christ’s Holy Name, Amen.

Be a man of God by always putting God first

God is the head the Head of Christ, Christ is the Head of the man, and the man/husband is the head over the woman. This is not to say that you, the husband, are to brow beat her and abuse her as if she were your slave. Be the spiritual leader of the house. This is one of the roles that a husband is to cherish. As the man of the house, you can go before the Lord on behalf of your family. You are your wife’s covering. Yes, your wife can pray for herself, as she should. But a husband is called to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. You are to be the leader of your household, especially the spiritual leader. You show your family how to walk with God. By doing that, you bring blessings upon blessings on your household. When you sin, it can affect the whole family. When you do things such as tithe, you bring great blessings upon your family. Be the man of God that God called you to be, and watch the Lord bless you. And true men of God walk with the Lord in such a manner that their wives do not mind submitting to their husbands. Make God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost the Rulers of your house and you will have no choice but to be blessed. Period.

Be a man of honor and integrity

No woman wants to be lied to; let your yes be yes and your no be no. Unless you are trying to surprise her with a gift of substantial proportions, do not lie to her about anything. Be upfront about your past. Conduct yourself as the man of God that you were born to be. No one is perfect, and she understands that. If God wants you two to be together, the last thing that He wants is for you to be trying to build a relationship on a bed of lies. If you are not looking for a long term relationship, then say so.

Give your wife the emotional support that she needs

A lot of black women have grown up not getting the emotional support that every person needs. That is why she seems to be caged in a stereotypical prison that society has placed her in. Not all black women have gone through hard times, but enough have. She doesn’t want to be babied, she wants to be loved. She wants to know that if she needs a shoulder to cry on, your shoulder will always be there. Even during the rough times. Greet her at the front door. Kiss her passionately before you go to sleep, and hug her sweetly before she goes off to work. When you two are about to go out on the town, let your wife know that she doesn’t have to do the driving. Let her know that God not only gave her a husband, He also gave her a man who will be the man of God that he was destined to be before she was born.

Romance, passion and intimacy

Black women like to feel sexy, look sexy, and be sexy for their husbands. Black women also like it when their husbands feel sexy, look sexy, and be sexy for them. Don’t compare yourself to your ‘black counterpart.’ She loves you and not for your color. Bring the passion, and not just when the two of you are in bed together. Woo her, even if you two have been married for 30 years. Send her flowers, candy, and love letters. Surprise her by taking her to the beach at midnight and–if the coast is clear, make love to her by a beach fire. If she has braids and she wants to take them out, ask her if she needs any help. At least ask her if you can brush her hair for her. Be demonstrative with your love, but only if and when she is comfortable. Pray and ask God to keep your passion, desire and lust for your wife on an all time high, yet at a continuing smolder. Let her know how grateful you are to God that He made your favorite body part of your wife’s just for him.

Be open to communication

Don’t let the stereotype of the hands on the hips, neck grinding and finger in the air scare you off. Most black women are not like that on a daily basis. Black women are open to to adult-like communication no matter what the topic is. If there is a subject that needs to be addressed, address it. Just remember that she already has a father. Well, she has two fathers: Her Heavenly Father and her earthly father. You are either her husband or could be in the future. The point is, do not treat her as a child. Talk to her in the manner that you would want to be spoken to. Or better yet, how you would want someone to talk to YOUR daughter. If she is the type that likes to keep a lot of drama going, I pray that you haven’t married her yet. There is still time to get out. But drama comes in all kinds of people and this is one of the main reason why a person should let God choose his wife for him. God will warn you if this person is not the one for you, thereby avoiding drama. But women like to talk their problems out. Just be ready to talk, that’s all. And don’t be a punk. If you have something to say and it’s a valid point, say it. You won’t look like a racist if you do.

Be able to provide for not only your wife, but your family in a comfortable manner

She isn’t a gold digger, but she isn’t a nun either. No vows of poverty here. Be able to provide for her as if she was an at-home wife who is taking care of two and a half kids. Don’t forget the vacation at least once a year, a babysitter for the once a week date night, a car and a suburban. Most likely she will have a job or a career and will not mind chipping in to help out with everything. No one should have to go through what Lynn of ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’ went through when she found out that her husband had not been paying the bills when he should have been. You don’t have to be Bill Gates, just be a good provider who puts his wife and family first, after God.

Have fun by having s sense of humor

Life can be full of woe, especially for a black woman. Now, this doesn’t mean that you should act like a fool to please her. This doesn’t mean that you should be a whiter version of an Eddie Murphy, either. Having a sense of humor can mean the two of you watching a comedy together and laughing out loud at the funny parts. It could also mean you coming into the bedroom to make love to your wife wearing a top hat or a Santa Claus beard and mustache. Do your best, and when in doubt, ask God to help you out. God has a sense of humor. He has to have one.

Be Ready and Willing to Commit

You like this woman. No, you LOVE this woman. This woman happens to be a beautiful woman of color. That means that even in today’s atmosphere and culture, the very thought of you and a black woman being married to each other, making love and making babies can still nauseate some people. And not just the southern folk, either. There are plenty of black men who hate the idea of one of their ‘sistas’ stepping out with a white ‘boy.’ In other words, there could be some opposition from both sides of the tracks. The question is: can you handle it? The answer is this: yes. That is if you are a man of God who loves Jesus Christ and accept His Word as true. If you are a man who loves Jesus Christ and believes in the power of the Blood, then you and your wife will do more than make it. You will do more than survive. Under the blood of Jesus Christ you will thrive. But commit with all your body, soul and mind. Commit first to God, through His Son Jesus Christ, then to your wife. You be the man that God Has called you to be and follow these steps (saturated in prayer of course), she will be more than happy to be the beautiful woman of God she was called to be.


www.Bnet.com (2004). “What black women really want in a man.”

Retrieved July 4, 2011 from www.Bnet.com

Lynn Norment “What Black women really want in a man”. Ebony. FindArticles.com. 04 Jul, 2011. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_n5_v47/ai_11840188/