“Miami Housewives Reunion” (2011)
As live shows go, this bombed. As live reunion shows go, it was a train wreck. As Housewives Reunion shows go, it was an alien invasion of planet Earth that must have started with the takeover of television studios. Kind of Sonny’s wife meets Miami, as in “Say hello to my little housewife,” – it was a bloodbath.
Okay, admittedly for as much as I love the Real Housewives of Whatever City… I’ve never written about, mentioned or openly admitted liking the Real Housewives of Miami. I would tell myself that I didn’t watch it, but truthfully, I did. I wasn’t trying to hold back the truth, I wasn’t trying to lie, honestly, it just snuck up on me.
I was unimpressed with the Miami Wives at first, so I would try to watch an episode to give it a shot, and then another shot, and before I knew it, I had watched nearly every minute of every episode. There was even a point when I even got slightly vested in the lives of some of them, and even developed a real disdain for others (Christy and Larsa, yuk!).
And now at 9pm on Tuesday, April 05, 2011, I find myself watching the “Miami Housewives Reunion”? It seems like the show just started and already we’re having a reunion? One, it’s not in a fancy, elaborate, open stage setting like the other reunions; two, it seems … a little boring (yet very loud); three, the whole energy of the show is “blah” – sorry Andy Cohen, but I can’t imagine you hosting anything “blah,” thus the surprise reaction on my part; four, the name of the show isn’t even “The Real Housewives of Miami,” almost as if they’ve disowned it from the Housewives Family; and finally, even the music that plays right before the commercials come on, reminds me a little bit of an Investigation Discovery murder mystery show, or an intense family break-up show on Dr. Phil. Yes, Andy, I just compared your show to Dr. Phil. Sorry buddy, I love you, but who the hell produced this show and put your name on it? I’m sure there’s probably some horrible explanation behind it that I’ll find out later and feel absolutely awful about saying this, but for now, … oh, Andy!
My heart was breaking for Andy Cohen. At times, he looked almost defeated. And more than once, he lost control of the show, but hey, those Latinas are tough cookies. I wouldn’t want to jump into that either. Meanwhile, honestly, the only thing I find myself interested in are the hot Jonathan Adler chairs. I did notice them in every shot, the understated detail was just eye catching without being gaudy. Well, there you go, when the chairs are the highlight of a six Wives, one Andy show, there’s a problem. I’m feeling a little deflated at the moment.
Maybe they should have had Mama Elsa on to start up something spicy for the audience to sink their teeth into. At least they have clips of her on, but she, to me, was the star of the show even though she’s technically not a Housewife. By the way, Marysol (see, I don’t even care if I spelled their names right, but I think I did) dodged, and elegantly I might add, an Andy introduction into a series of questions about how much “work” Ms. Elsa has had. I do admire the way Marysol loves her mom and always has her back, and I love Elsa too, in an eccentric sort of way, but sometimes while watching the series I really never watched, I would hit the “info” button on my remote just to make sure I wasn’t watching an episode of NipTuk.
Overall, I got an almost sad feeling for these Wives more than having an interest in them. Their lives seem boring and uneventful, and I truly believe that if it weren’t for the show, they really would have no lives at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve told you all before, I’d love to be a Housewife myself, and I can’t figure it out really, what makes me not have the same affection for these Wives as the others, but I am just not feeling them. And I’m not quite sure yet why the season was cut short – the official reason, I mean – but it’s probably just for the reasons I’ve mentioned.
And Andy, I’m sorry – you are my total gay crush! But even the best of us can’t have it perfect all of the time. Smooches!