When you are in a relationship and you are having problems, don’t look to your partner for the problem. Look at yourself first. And be honest. I have been through at lot in the fifty years I have been married… to the same man… and there is one thing I learned. You can’t do anything about him; but you can do something about you.
The first thing you need to do is find a quiet place with no one around and make a list. On a piece of paper make two columns. HIS and HERS
I am writing this from the HERS view point so you may have to switch it around or have a HIS and ME or whatever works for your situation. And any relationship has problems: marriage, significant other, girlfriend, or room mates, whatever! I am sure you get the point.
On the HIS side, list everything you don’t like that he does. On the HER side, list everything that you do that corresponds to his side.
Leaves dirty dishes in den — Have to pick up dirty dishes
Leaves clothes laying everywhere — Have to pickup his clothes
He likes to go out with the boys — I like to stay home all the time
Now go back and on ME side list all your good points
I want the dishes washed as soon as we finish eating. Then list all his corresponding “good” points about the same subject. Think hard.
Now as you go down the lists to analyze each item, ask yourself this question
Will it make any difference ten years from now?
If the answer is no, mark out the entry. If the answer is yes, leave the entry.
If there is more yeses than nos, you have a problem. But maybe HIM is not the problem?
Now look at each question from his point of view. Why does he like to go out with the boys? Could it be he does not feel comfortable in his own home because you are such a clean freak?
On a separate piece of paper write down all the things left as yeses, both his and yours. Is there a way to meet in the middle? Think carefully about this. Maybe you could just learn to leave a few dirty dishes until later so the two of you could just sit and talk or watch TV? Trust me; those dirty dishes will still be there when you get back. I know. I had to learn to leave dishes… until the next day.
One last question: Is there anything you can do to change yourself? Notice I did not ask if you could change HIM. You can never change the other person, but you can change yourself. And changing yourself sometimes changes HIM enough so you can “meet in the middle” and make that relationship into something that will stand the test of time.
Just something to think about…