For the last few months I’ve been reporting on Coney Island’s “Insectavora.” As you may have heard, she’s donating $10,000 and the worldwide rights to a finished feature film, “Night Of The Day Of The Dawn Of The Son – Part 5,” to charity. She’s using a unique and bold process to get this done. She’s making an offer to a list of major celebrities: review my movie and you can have $10,000 to donate to the charity of your choice along with the worldwide rights to sell to any company you want as long as you take the money from that sale and also donate that money to the charity of your choice. Recently, she was turned down by funny man Will Ferrell. Insectavora wanted to address this rejection and wrote Mr. Ferrell a letter. At Insectavora’s request, I’m reprinting it here.
Thanks a bunch for stomping on the heartfelt and charitable offer I made to you. It was a very questionable move on your part but I’m not going to get into that right now. What’s done is done. I hold no hard feelings and only wish the best for you and your interesting career. So let’s move on.
In addition to my acting work and my job as a performer at the world famous “Coney Island Sideshow,” I’m also an acclaimed artist. I do sculptures. I did one of the talented comedian Chris Rock using German potato salad and Manuka honey. I get really wild when I’m working and the end result always sets off explosions in people’s minds. I recently did a sculpture of you and I’m going to enter it into the “Celebrity Admiration Art Show” held the third week of August each year in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
The sculpture I made of you took 4 months of hard work and stands 22 feet in height. I try to stay away from sculpting with traditional materials like stone or clay and instead use unexpected and radical substances. There’s something in your film performances that reminds me of walnuts. Don’t ask me why I make that connection, I just do. An artist’s brain, as you know, operates on a higher level and questioning certain instincts can really destroy the process. I just smoke a lot of dope and go with it.
Anyway, I started with 40,000 pounds of walnuts that I pureed into a thick malleable paste and then added 1,000 pounds of dry straw. I finished by adding 2,000 gallons of High Siberian diesel fuel. This liquid is bright yellow and mixing it with the walnut paste and straw gave me the perfect color I wanted. The side effect is that the sculpture of you is highly flammable so if anyone lights up a cigarette at the art show it will probably level most of Milwaukee.
Anyway, I’m hoping that someone buys this piece because it’s really big and I’m not really going to have anywhere to store it after the show. If you or one of your pals wants it I can let it go for somewhere between $2-$3 million. Okay, that’s it. Also, if you change your mind about reviewing my flick e-mail me.
If you need more info log on to www.NightOfTheDayOfTheDawn.org