I’ve been reporting on Coney Island’s stunning sideshow performer/actress/singer, “Insectavora “. As you may have heard, she’s donating $10,000 and the worldwide rights to a finished feature film, “Night Of The Day Of The Dawn Of The Son — Part 5,” to charity. She’s using a unique and bold process to get this done. She’s making an offer to a list of major celebrities: review my movie and you can have $10,000 to donate to the charity of your choice along with the worldwide rights to sell to any company you want as long as you take the money from that sale and also donate that money to the charity of your choice. One of the celebrities on the list is “Kung Fu Panda” star and “Tenacious D” member Jack Black. Insectavora got in touch with me the other day and said she had written Mr. Black a letter. She asked me to print it. Here it is.
I’m sure you, like everyone else in the United States, heard that New York Yankee Derek Jeter joined Major League baseball’s elite 3,000 hit club. And you also probably heard that his 3,000 th hit was a home run, and how amazing all of this was. Well, not to take anything away from the wonderful Mr. Jeter, for he truly did something spectacular, but I would have been more impressed if he could have hit that milestone home run while he was tripping on acid. Crazy, you say? Impossible and ridiculous to even suggest? Well Jack, I would only ask you to check the record book of baseball history and look up the name “Dock Ellis.” That’s right, Dock Ellis. Then check the box score for a game played between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the San Diego Padres on June 12, 1970. The pitcher for the Pirates that day was Dock Ellis. Ellis dropped acid around noon and later took the mound for that day’s game. He remembers only bits of pieces of that contest because he was tripping on the drug through the full nine innings. And, in what may be the most amazing accomplishment in baseball history, he pitched a no hitter. That’s right, he pitched a no-hitter while tripping on acid! (KIDS, DO NOT TRY THIS! AT BEST, YOU’LL MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF AND AT WORST YOUR BRAIN WILL EXPLODE ALL OVER THE INFIELD AND YOU’LL DIE A STUPID AND EMBARASSING DEATH!)
Okay, enough of my terribly interesting sports trivia. The real reason for this letter is because I want you to review a movie I’m in. Do it and I’ll give you $10,000 to donate to the charity of your choice and I’ll also throw in the copyright to the film. You can sell the movie to whatever company you want as long as you take the money from that sale and donate it to the charity of your choice. Don’t let me down big shot. The world is full of bad guys. Be one of the good guys.
Check out Insectavora’s offer at www.NightOfTheDayOfTheDawn.org