I opened up my Facebook wall this morning to see the latest and greatest of updates from friends, family, and frankly, some folks I don’t even know. Afterall, Facebook is simply a numbers game to some, and apparently the ‘number’ of friends you have signifies your cool factor in social network world. If you can’t sense the sarcasm here, consider this me blatantly spelling it out for you.
As I’m scrolling through pictures of updates of babies, kids, more babies, telling me where you just ate lunch, (as if I care) and the occassional glamour shot that always seems to be taken in the bathroom, I happened upon a few of the famous rants that almost make you sit back and say, “Wow!” You know, the ones where people feel the need to bash their significant other, call-out an alleged best friend, flippantly throw out every curse word on the planet in reference to boss they don’t have the gonads to confront in person and so on.
One in particular today came from a Birthday boy with a very specific Birthday wish, “BTW…..Anyone that is friends with Emily, do me a favor and remove that *bleep* from your friends list. Thank you.”
Don’t you have to blow out your candles first for a wish to come true? And if you tell the whole world what your wish is, it’s not supposed to come true anyways, right? Oh. Wait a second. I get it. This was your flippant way of telling us all you now despise the woman you allegedly were head over heels with three weeks ago, and now we’re all supposed to start the “I hate Emily” crusade simply because she broke up with you. Well gee, when you put it that way…
Another of my favorites today came from an old high school aquaintance, “Screw it! I’m fed up with the *bleep*!”
Naturally, the fact that this fellow and his lovely lady share about 200 common friends also puts all of those watching the verbal riot go down in the precarious situation of having to choose sides in cyber world. Ah… the perks of the internet! We get to watch you air your dirty laundry in front of hundreds of folks, most of which you haven’t seen in decades, and whom probably don’t have the slightest idea of what’s going on in your life. And yet we feel the need to write soothing comments, encourage your beligerent outburts, or politely blow you off with the infamous, “Wow, that sucks.” and then we duck and hide hoping you don’t want to engage in some “poor me” pity party.
As I continue scrolling back over the last week of posts on my wall, I’ve found over 10 similiar posts. Granted, I only have about 210 friends, because they are actually people I know and care enough about to see and hear about what they’ve been up to. The rest of the world doesn’t need to know a darn thing about me, as far as I’m concerned.
Here are some of my other favorites;
“Revenge is so much sweeter served up with a nice glass of ‘you deserve it, mo-fo’. Yes, I’m frolicking in a karma moment right now…”
“I dislike fake people. Noooooo fakers.”
“It’s amazing how those who claim to be Godly can sit in judgement of others.”
Well, I guess when all else fails, you can bring religion into the equation. Afterall, that post got her the attention she was looking for, based on the five soothing responses all confirming how fake and distrustful people can be. (As if we didn’t already know this?)
The bottom line is that your public ranting doesn’t do anything more than draw responses from individuals equally as annoying, or make those of us with enough scruples to realize that they call things PRIVATE matters for a reason steer clear of you! So do us a favor and invest in therapy if you’ve got that much anger, unless your friends lists is filled with licensed doctors that can actually prescribe you something for your stupidity.
But on another note, I’d like to thank the ever-cheery poster who left me with the following status update that actually got a real laugh out loud: “my back hurts, my feet hurt, and the only thing holding up my boobs is hope…”