When I married thirty-nine years ago I never thought that someday I would be thinking and praying about whether or not to seek a way out of a marriage that allowed our last illusions to fly away like birds escaping from their cages, or if I should consider the possibility of remaining faithful to the love I once felt for him and to the vow to stay together in good and in bad times until the end of our days?
Is a big decision that I need to make today and it should not be room for mistakes. At my age errors are an end point.
I wonder what has happened during all these years between us.
Supposedly, when we started the tour of this path together our intention was to share the happy moments of our lives and, in those times of misfortune and sadness, get comfort and relief in each other’s arms.
Over the years our children were coming into our lives and I felt we were happy. Were we really happy? The daily routine had a taste of honey in those days that I believe we enjoyed together.
I invested everything I had in our marriage:my time, my talents, my dedication, my tears, my feelings, all my dreams and everything that a woman can give to those whom she loves.
However, little by little the stars went off in our sky and now , after thirty- nine years we were married , I have to take one of the most delicate and important decision in my life. Should I get a divorce?
I believe that as a first step I should think calmly and carefully about which I believe are the flaws in my marriage . I know that I cannot make a decision based only on the feelings of my heart , but with a clear and calm thinking .
With a cup of tea in my hands I have to start rebuilding every one of the most important moments of our life in common, specially those time of misfortune when the real “who I am” cames to life, and I shall placed them on a balance of pros and cons . Which side the balance is more full ?
When a marriage is in trouble usually the most common causes of divorce, among others, are infidelity, lack of love, any kind of abuse or simply because there is no communication between partners and each took a different route almost without realizing it. Lack of communication is also a silent murderer of marriages, but most often we do not realize it.
Whatever the causes are , do they have any solution today ?
The next step is to think about what happened between us that I believe can not be reversed . Which motive was strong enough to destroyed our trust and love for each other ?, Would this be enough to make the decision to divorce ?
If the communication between us was cut at some point in our lives , could we still wish to work together to rebuild it ?
Also I must ask myself what should I expect for my future . Do I expect to be living alone with the only company of a cat and listening to classical music ?, fall in love again ? Find a new job and new friends ? Travel around the world if my means allow me to do it?
In relation to my finances, Will I have enough to live a quiet life with no surprises ? Or should I take courses to upgrade my education and skills if I need to look for employment?
After a review of my situation I should have a clearer vision of the way I should go and the decision that I should have to make .
But whatever the decision I take I should also understand that will not be easy .
Rebuilding a relationship that is poor or non existence takes time , patience and dedication, but it has great rewards : A more tender love can grow from the rubble as the family continues to be united and our grandchildren can still enjoy a place to go to visit , where grandpa and grandma are waiting with open arms .
However , sometimes we have walked so far down the road that it is impossible to find the way back again and the only option to find happiness and harmony in our lives is to separate from the one whom we used to love at some point in our life.
Nor it is easy, but it is an option available and also has its rewards: to find ourselves again in our own, intimate and private corner where we can be learning how to love and pamper ourselves again .
A friend who divorced after thirty -five years of marriage said that after work she wanted to get quickly to her small apartment to enjoy the moment to be at peace and tranquility.
The fear of loneliness can be overcome by looking at who are around us, creating new friendships and learning skills that can give us a different vision for our future .
Whatever our decision is, the important thing is to find what really makes us happy in this stage of our life that deserves to be enjoyed in full.