If having children is important to you, it’s something that a prospective partner should know. However, such a serious topic isn’t necessarily something you want to bring up on the first date. With a bit of tact and the right opportunity, you can introduce the topic of having children early without intimidating your date.
I have always wanted kids. When I first started dating my husband, I wanted to let him know that I was really only interested in dating someone who also wanted kids. After a few dates, we had only just shared our first kiss.
I was growing attached, but didn’t want to pursue a relationship with someone who did not also want children. That’s when the perfect opportunity presented itself in the form of conversation over cars.
We were talking about the cars we owned. I owned a sports car with a back seat–and realized it was the perfect time to casually mention the topic without making my date feel like I was moving too fast.
“I like sporty cars, but wanted one with a back seat because I need travel space and I want to have kids.”
This let my future husband know two things: traveling and having fun were priority at that point in my life, but I was looking forward to having kids in the future, likely during my car’s lifetime.
He responded by mentioning that he took the same things into consideration when he purchased his car. It was a good way of us realizing that we had the same goals without making a commitment to share those things together so soon into our relationship.
If you can work the topic into conversation casually, go for it.
It’s My Journey
In my weekly Weight Watchers meetings, my leader always reminds us of one thing concerning our weight loss and life goals: these are individual journeys. It’s okay to let others know that having kids or any other life goal is your journey and that you are the one in control of these choices.
Bringing up the topic of having kids in the first few dates can be pretty awkward, but you can easily avoid that by mentioning children as one of your goals. It’s not necessarily something that has to be shared with someone you don’t know very well yet, but it’s still important to let the person you are dating know about your goal.
When I brought the topic up with my future husband, I was casual about it–but I did make it clear that my goal of having children was already decided upon. This was especially fair to him, because if he had not also wanted kids, it would have given him a chance to end the relationship and explain that he did not share this goal which was clearly so important to me.
It’s my journey, and eventually I want to have children.
If you’re dating online, take advantage of the features available in the online profile. You don’t have to write “I want kids!” all over your profile, but most online dating sites have options concerning kids, such as “have kids,” “maybe in the future” or “definitely want kids.”
If you’ve decided that having kids is a definite goal for you, don’t be shy about it in your profile selection. It’s not necessary to mention it in your description, but you should definitely select it in the displayed multiple choice option.
Regardless of how you introduce the topic, it’s fundamentally important to discuss in a relationship. If two people differ on their feelings about having children in the future, it’s best to discuss it soon to ensure that the relationship is realistic for both parties and their goals.
More by Tara M. Clapper:
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