Many Christians expect a level of seriousness when they attend a church service. However, a pastor’s sermon is often the time to elicit some light humor. The following jokes are both family-friendly and suitable for a church environment.
1. A four-year-old was in church when the wine and communion wafers were passed out. He was very interested in this, and started to get up. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.
Later, when the collection plate came by, he ignored it. His mother again leaned over and tried to coax the nickel out of him. He steadfastly refused, stating, “If I can’t eat, I’m not paying.”
2. My grandfather, who had lived his whole 90 years in Boston, was admitted to the hospital with a serious infection. The situation worsened, and the doctors were very concerned for his life.
3. The hospital priest went in to give Pop communion and asked if he would like to pray for “something.” Pop hesitated for a moment, and then said that being in the bed had given him time to think about the truly important things in life, and yes he would like the priest to pray for something. The priest asked what he should pray for, and Pop looked up at him and said:
“I’d like the Red Sox to win a game.”
4. One communion Sunday, my communion steward prepared communion elements in her usual manner. Or at least I thought it was in her usual style. When it came time to uncover the elements, the grape juice looked darker than usual. I thought nothing of it and began to serve the communion. Promptly upon receiving the cup, each recipient’s face had a peculiar, stunned look. When it came time for me to receive I discovered why the strange looks… the juice was prune juice! One parishioner stated, “Perhaps this is a divine commentary on our spirituality…we need a little loosening up!”
5. My 2 ‘Æ’†'” ”’Æ”’½-year-old niece, Kelli, went with a neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host – in this case, a piece of bread – he says, “God be with you.” Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother’s hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice, “God will get you.”
6. Q. Why do Reformed people call Holy Communion, The Lord’s Supper?
A. They can’t spell Eucharist.
7. At Sunday school they were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?”
Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
8. A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”
9. A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. – Revelation 3:20
The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the preacher’s message was written the following notation:
I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. – Genesis 3:10