Brittany’s Revenge

I looked at all the wealthy women jogging around Canopy Park with not a thing on their minds but shedding those supposedly horrendous pounds that are only visible to them. They all have expensive, and probably one of a kind, headphones in their ears and seem to be jogging at a steady but comfortable pace. Still, I can tell that they are secretly competing with one another. Their quick side gazes as another woman’s shadow appears in their view and the slight increase in their pace, so slight that it is practically unnoticeable, give them away. I would not have noticed myself, except, I used to be one of them. Despite their Gucci spandex that cost more than most people make a month, they really are putting a good effort into meeting goals that they created with the help of charming trainers, who had their hands just as deep in their pockets as were the dimples on their faces. I don’t blame them though, I was just as fooled. If I were to be truly honest, I almost miss that life. Well, at least I did until I thought about Monday coming around and having to go to work for the wicked witch of the south who others still refer to as my boss. If it wasn’t to keep my job and avoid listening to the quacking voice of Lola the witch, I would have never been speeding to work on the day that I got into that dreadful accident. She had the nerve to attend my funeral and sit at the front with a huge, lace piece of crap on her oversized head. She sat right next to my ex-husband whose shoulders she used for comfort. I wish I could have walked right out of that casket and smacked the fake tears out of her eyes. I am positive that the only thing that was in her diamond studded hand bag was a mirror and a container of Vicks Vapor Rub. That woman complained about having to breathe the same air as me every second of the five years we worked together but shows up teary eyed to my funeral. Oh please! The only reason she was weeping was because she would no longer get to take credit for my hard work.

The 6 a.m. bell at the town’s only Catholic Church rang and like clockwork, the witch appears with her devoted sidekick for their daily run. Chaundra would actually be a nice girl if she didn’t follow the crazy Lola around like her lips were stuck to her butt cheeks. We had actually gotten alone well when she first joined our firm just a few months ago as a temp. She quickly learned that being friends with me would get her nowhere. Kissing up to the boss, however, got her a full time position as an executive consultant; a position that used to be mine. Lola did not even blink before she replaced me then had the nerve to show up to my funeral. Well, like they say, payback is a bitch and my check comes with five years of interest.

“Ouch!” Lola yelled as she waved her hands widely in front of her face, “something bit me!” I would laugh if I could, but unfortunately, mosquitoes were not blessed with that ability.

“Let me see.” Little miss suck-up said as she turned towards Lola. She held unto both sides of Lola’s face and her eyes opened wide in alarm. “You definitely got bit. There’s a little bump on your lip”.

“Oh no! My charity event is tonight! I have to give a speech in front of thousands of people! I can’t have a bump on my lip!” The charity event was something that I was quite familiar with. Actually, it was a charity event that I planned. Lola cares for no one but herself. But of course, no one will ever know that it was my idea.

“Don’t panic. Some ice can fix that. We’ll take care of it after our run.”

“I can’t run in this state! People are going to see me!” I buzzed around Lola’s head and she attempted to swat at me. I’m too quick for you, ain’t I? I wanted to taunt. I thought about the sick dog I had bitten earlier. I needed to get rid of the rest of that disgusting blood! I flew back to her face and bit the other side of her lip. Now she will look more like the creature that she truly is. “Ouch! I just got bit again! Freaking mosquitoes! I gotta get out of this park!” Lola hurried back to the car with Chaundra chasing after her and I sat comfortable on top of her head.

“I don’t understand.” Chaundra began as she got into the passenger side of Lola’s Benz. “I’ve never gotten bit out here. I didn’t even think there were mosquitoes”.

“I’m cursed! That’s what it is! I’m cursed. Some stupid goddess must be jealous of my beauty and wants me to look atrocious. Oh my gosh, I need to call my doctor!”

“It’s not that bad. It’s just a mosquito bite. It will go away in no time!”

“It is that bad! It’s horrible! You don’t know anything! Sometimes I think you don’t belong in this neighborhood.”

“No! I meant, I know it is bad. It’s gross, really, really gross. I just didn’t want you to panic”

“So now you’re saying I look gross? How dare you! After all I’ve done for you?!” Chaundra’s face turned red as she tried to figure out what the right words to say could be. She is so pathetic, I wanted to puke out the little bit of blood I had stolen from Lola. Realizing that my food had come from Lola’s tucked and sucked body made me want to puke some more. I was hoping that passing it along was an effective way of getting rid of poisonous blood, but I couldn’t ponder on it at the moment. I’d have to cleanse my body later; I had a task to do right now. I flew out of my hiding spot in Lola’s hair and bit her on the forehead a couple of times. “Freak shit! I feel like I’m being stalked by a mosquito!”

“You got bit again? Maybe you do need to go to a doctor!” Chaundra said innocently. That poor, little girl. I actually feel sorry for her.

“You think? Sometimes you are so stupid!” Lola rubbed her forehead before putting her key into the ignition and starting towards her doctor’s office. I returned to my hiding spot as she attempted to call her doctor and set an appointment. “What do you mean you’re booked? I need to come now!” She yelled into the phone after receiving what must have been a disappointing response. That’s what she gets for having the same doctor as all the other uppity chicks in the community. “So what am I supposed to do?” Lola yelled into the phone. After a response, she threw her phone in the backseat and screamed out loud.

“What did he say? What do we do?” Chaundra asked as she scooted as close to the door as was possible.

“He was no freaking help! He’s talking about some freaking Ibaprotein, I don’t know what the hell that is!”

“Ibuprofen? We can get that at Walgreens! It really do work, I promise you will look better in no time!”

“I’m not going in Walgreens! What do I look like? Middle class? Oh my gosh, what am I going to do?”

“I, I’ll go in and get it for you.” Chaundra volunteered. “There’s one just a few blocks from our company.”

“MY company!” Lola corrected her as she made an illegal turn. I waited patiently as she sped to the store. I waited for Chaundra to get out and go into Walgreens without any words from Lola and for her to return and hand the product to her. I did not move until I saw the shocked look on Chaundra’s face. It lasted just a second but it lasted long enough for both Lola and I to recognize. “What’s wrong? Is it my face?” Lola asked as she reached her hand into her purse for a mirror.

“No, no! Don’t look at it, you will look perfect as soon as we get in the house and put some medication on it.” Lola ignored Chaundra’s instruction as she opened her mirror and started screaming. I flew to the mirror and looked back at her to see what damage I had done. I was quite pleased with myself as I noticed the swelling of her face. I realized she must be allergic, which was better than what I had hoped for.

“Where’s my phone?” Lola howled and Chaundra scrambled to retrieve it from the back. Lola grabbed it from her hands and dialed a number. As soon as someone pick up, she yelled into the phone. “I’m not coming!… I’m not coming I said!” She yelled even longer. “I don’t care about this stupid event! It was not even my idea! Brittany was the one who wanted to have a freaking Charity auction. I don’t care about no stupid Charity!” As Lola continued to scream into her phone, I flew out of the opened window. Well, I guess my job here is done I thought, and started on my way towards my ex-husbands house.