Monday, June 20, 2011
Bravo TV’s The Real Housewives of Orange County
“The Lost Footage” — Part I
Lost footage shows rock. It’s my favorite part of any show. A behind-the-scenes look at your favorite reality characters in their mostly unedited, true-to-life situations that just got swept off the cutting floor. This is usually where you get the juicy stuff — the “aha” moments that put to rest all of your questions from the past season. Did that happen here? Well, you tell me. In my two-part special edition of “The Real Housewives of Orange County — The Lost Footage – Part I. Let the handbags fly.
We get to go with Alexis to hertherapist appointment. I didn’t know she was going to a therapist. This is good stuff. There’s stuff going on here, and I just want to take a deep bite into this juicy opening scene. Boring. Alexis’ therapist says that Alexis lives in “fearful anticipation” of divorce because her parents were divorced. If this is common to children of divorced parents, then this therapist could be one busy lady if she wanted to be. Put on your tiny big-girl panties, A, and get on with it.
Alexis goes to therapy three to four times a month. She goes with Jim every other week and then by herself on the weeks between. Maybe it’s me, but I think the therapist may be on Jim’s payroll. Sure he pays her bill for sure, but it seems to me that Jim and the therapist seem to be putting all the work on this relationship on Alexis. Alexis is getting gaslighted, brainwashed, whatever; just my opinion. As for her convo with Fernanda on the Reunion show, when Alexis is confronted by Andy, “So Alexis are you for or against gay marriage.” Alexis said, “I believe what the bible says” about 10 times repeatedly, and I don’t think it was editing. She’s an automaton, afraid to verbalize a real opinion. Slap! “Snap out of it.”
Vikki and her Brother Relate
Vikki discusses her and Donn’s relationship with her brother Richard. Vikki wants it all, but still, she has filed for divorce from Donn, hoping to get a reaction out of him. But if you ask me, Donn’s been begging for Vik’s attention for a long time. Vikki, you need to own it girl. Maybe the Donnalganger you met in Cabo would be more to your liking. If you missed it, Vikki and Tamra went to Cabo for some girl time and met a fun, extroverted Donn look-a-like at the pool bar. It was weird. He even said Vikki’s tag line, “woo hoo!” Still, I like Donn and Vikki together, I’ve said it before, so work it out kids.
Ready, Aim, Zip-it: The Handbag Wars
Former OC Housewife, Lynne Curtin has a home, dog collar, jewelry and pocketbook design dynasty in the making. She’s a little miffed about Gretchen’s line of handbags. Earlier in the Lost Footage episode, an inspection of one of Gretchen’s bags by Lynne and Tamra leads Tamra to come out with another one of her insightful quotes: “Gretchen’s a handbag designer like I’m a frickin’ brain surgeon.”
Gretchen Meets with her Bag Designers
….for all of about 10 seconds. Her handbag sketches were adolescent doodles on a bar napkin, so she hands them off to the real designers. She even admits it, the girl cannot draw a stick figure. And then she goes to meet Lynne over drinks. Lynne wants to know about the “business of the week,” which pisses Gretchen off. Lynne introduced Gretchen to the handbag people–Oh! Now I get it. It’s a total Gretchen move, but I’ve got to say, I admire Gretchen as much as I sometimes loathe her. Gretchen is funny, saying “Newsflash Lynne… Kate Spade … and Louis Vuitton has a handbag line too, are we prostitutes working a corner — and like you’re in my neck of the neighborhood?” Lynn kept talking and drinking while Gretchen looked for an exit. Lynne, honey, a word of advice, stop playing the victim, in your marriage, in your friendships, in your work. You just lack a little confidence in yourself-step it up.
Tamra and Ryan Face a Breast Crisis
Tamra’s son, Ryan, deals with his earlier use of steroids which resulted in him getting something called, gynecomastia (cysts that form in the pecs, giving the poor recipient man boobs that could be cancerous). I know Andy Cohen had a good laugh on a Real Housewives’ first ever breast reduction surgery. The surgery scene, by the way, was way gross. Luckily the tumors were not cancerous. Yeah Ryan; hope those tats are still in tact.
Coming up in Part II of Housewives of OC: The Lost Footage:
Gretchen Purges Herself
Gretchen comes clean about her former battle with bulimia.