Blondies’ Babies

I married the love of my life at 18 years old. Yes, I was a baby, but I was in love. Thank goodness 14 years later, I am still madly in love with that same man. He is my baby daddy as well, which is awesome. Things have worked out pretty wonderful for us, but the road to get here was very long. I learned quickly that fertility was an issue for us and I think many couples face this problem. I wanted to share my story to offer some hope and encouragement. So here goes…

We married in April of 1997. I thought I was pregnant every month after that for about 4 years. During that time 3 of my sister in laws conceived and had children. Friends I had were getting pregnant. Not me, not us. People would ask me if we wanted to have children. What a stupid question. Of course I wanted to have kids, what are you an idiot!?!? Well, I didn’t respond with those words exactly but I am pretty sure my facial expressions said it for me. I was frustrated. I did not want to see a doctor because I didn’t want anything to be wrong. We continued on, not getting pregnant. Now, we had a happy little marriage, but we both wanted to have children. Time and time again I would be late on my cycle and think it was happening, and then it wouldn’t. Worse yet, someone else would end up pregnant instead of me! Oh that was the worst. All these people popping up preggers, left and right! They forced me to look at there big baby bellies for nine months! I wanted to poke out my eyeballs! I attended baby showers and feigned happiness. Truth be told I really did not like pregnant people back then or anyone with a child under, hmm, 4 I think! I was bitter. It’s true. Then one Halloween it all changed. I was sitting on the front porch of our cute little house handing out candy. All these adorable Little kids, so excited! There parents all looked so happy. There I sat. Alone and childless. It dawned on me then, I would never have my own trick-or-treater! I ran into the house crying. I went to the bathroom and sat in the floor. I cried and prayed. I told God that I knew I had to be a mother and He had to help me because I needed help. It still makes me cry to this day. I can remember that desperate feeling I had. Aaron knew then it was time to do something. He started making phone calls to doctors. Now I had seen two gynecologists already. One referred me to the other, and the other blew me off. Neither one would listen to me and the problems that I had. I had always had this horrible pain in the side of my lower abdomen. I had irregular periods that were beyond normal. They really did not seem concerned. I always figured I was just being a big baby and that every women suffered like this, especially since my mother had suffered like that too. He got us an appointment with a Fertility/Endocrinologist for that February. It was a long wait. But it was worth it. Those doctors were a blessing to us. They listened and knew right off that I had endometriosis. They did a laparoscopy at which point they burned off all that they could. Then I started hormone treatments that sent me into a pre-menopause state. Let me tell you how much fun that was. At the young age of 24 I was having nights sweats, hot flashes, mood swings and it stunk! I feel for anyone going through the change. It’s misery! We did this for 8 months. I gave myself the injections at home. Then after that I had to have my one billionth ultrasound at which point the doctor felt I was ready. I was artificially inseminated. My husband and I conceived our first child through a beaker. That is actually a really funny story but it’s a little racy so I will keep it to myself. Two weeks later we were to come back and get tested to see if it worked. I will never forget that day. I drove to the doctors office from work. When I got there they took me right back. They had me pee in a cup. Then they put me in my room. I waited forever. They had told me before that they would do the urine test first and if it showed up negative they would then draw blood. Needless to say, when the nurse came in to draw blood wanted to punch her in the face. There I was, alone once again (hubby hadn’t gotten there yet) and still childless. When Aaron finally came in I started to cry. I told him it didn’t work because they drew blood. He comforted me and we just mourned together. Then the doctor came in and asked us why we were crying. I told her. Then she told us were pregnant. Then Aaron screamed! I cried harder! I could not believe it. The Lord had answered my prayer. I always worried that maybe I shouldn’t have done fertility, you know, that it wasn’t the “natural” or “intended” way. But I prayed and The Lord answered me right there in that room. We went to the waiting room and my poor mother-in-law and sister-in-law were slumped over in their chairs as if someone had died. Everyone had prepared for the worst. It was the best news we could have given! Calling my mom and telling her she could possibly be a YiYi after all! All of it was glorious. Two weeks later we saw our bean on an ultrasound. Nine months later our Raegan was born. Fourteen months after that our son Andrew was born and finally two years after that our Ava arrived. I have been blessed beyond belief. They really are my miracle babies and I am so thankful for them. This is exactly where and what I wanted to be in life. not everyone has the luxury of saying that. So, if you are struggling, please hang in there! Do not give up. We trust doctors, we have too, but they aren’t always right. Keep searching for the one who will help you and let The Good Lord handle the rest. And hey, when those ugly, hateful feelings arise, know that it’s normal and you will get past it. I remember my sister-in-law telling me that one of our church members was pregnant with her third child. I got so mad. Aaron said to me “Babe, you don’t have to be mad anymore, we are getting a baby too.” “Oh, that’s right! I can be happy!” I said. I can honestly say, I have never been happier.