Blinded by the Bejazzles

You know an episode of RHONY is composed of nothing but B-footage, when the best part of the show was Cindy’s WTF look while watching Kelly take a year to decline an invitation via text.

Ok, I know I’ve said I’ve taken Kelly off the firing range because I think she’s insane & making fun of her when she doesn’t know what she’s doing is like battling an unarmed opponent. But, I’m sorry. Really? She’s a graduate of Columbia (allegedly), author of at least 1 book, has worked on the editorial staff of a few magazines, and she takes as long to pound out a simple text as it did Mark Twain to write his autobiography? At least he gave us the brilliant typo known as “Jesus H. Christ!”

Poor Cindy, sitting there looking like she’d been hit on the head with a bag of hammers. Kudos to her for not grabbing the phone out of Kelly’s hands to write the message herself, which is what I might have done. It’s one of those “if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself” kind of things.

Just like a “little black dress,” every woman should have a standard message or two for declining invitations. While I find the Countless to be a pretentious, arrogant bitch, at least she has such a message-“I have to spend time with the kids,” which as Avery pointed out, is what she says to all of Ramona’s invitations. So let’s all pretend that we’re almost besties with Ramona, got invited to her award dinner & need to RSVP that we can’t attend to test just how freaking hard this is:

OMG, “businesswoman of the year” for reals? I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!! Sorry I can’t go to the dinner because I’ve got a business trip that week, but will be with you in spirit! Pinot Grigio all around!

See how hard that was? Took me all of a minute & most of that was having to backtrack & correct a couple of typos.

Now on to a couple of other stand-outs from this ho-hum episode:

Sonja showing up to lunch with Alex after she raided Bullwinkle’s costume department. Sorry, that Russian hat look only looks good on Russians. You know, where it really is so freaking cold that you have to wear an entire bear on your head just to keep warm. The whole thing just screamed “set up set up set up!” as did the “group hug” with Simon at Ramona’s dinner. Can the girls stop pretending to be this season’s Jill & Bethenny now?

The visit to Cindy’s spa was fun, but only because my friend & I decided to crack each other up over waxing, bejazzling, & getting a bejazzle caught in your panties. There’s the Countless being all prim & proper about what Cindy does “down there,” yet comes out & announces to the entire world she is now “clean.” Sonja says she doesn’t want to be “clean” but instead prefers to keep a “landing strip.” T.M.I. anyone? I haven’t been out on a date in forever, but if this is what I have to do in order to get one, well, the only dates I’ll have will be with Ben & Jerry.

Next week, they’re still not in Morocco. C’mon, Bravo, hurry it up, will ya? I want to see a camel spit on Jill &/or Countless!