Best Stewie Griffin Quotes

Stewie Griffin quotes are mean spirited, amusing and hilarious. On the television show “Family Guy,” Stewie is the Griffn’s one-year-old son, yet he talks in a mature, adult-like manner. The little tyke wants to dominate the world and get his mother Lois out of the picture by all means necessary. Since he thinks everyone is beneath him, Stewie Griffen quotes are often quick witted and insulting.

  1. “How dare you reduce my finely honed thespian stylings to mere Mother Gooseries?” During the “Family Guy” episode “The King is Dead,” Lois asks Stewie to try out for a play she is directing. He starts to recite something poetic, but she stops and asks for him to sing “Itsy Bitsy Spider.” This Stewie Griffin quote is his response to Lois wanting him to dumb down his audition material. Stewie Griffin always considers himself intellectually above everyone else in his family, so once Lois started suggesting nursery rhymes, he got insulted.
  2. “Let me see that! Did you forge my name? Oh, is that backward “S” supposed to be cute? Oh, I’m going to crap double for you tonight!” This Stewie Griffin quote is said to Lois during the episode “A Picture Is Worth a 1,000 Bucks.” It is Peter’s birthday and Lois signs Stewie’s name on a birthday card, which does not sit well with the out spoken baby. He is infuriated that Lois would dare forge his name on a birthday card and for punishment he is going to make cleaning his nightly diaper extra messy for her.
  3. “That’sreally funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link. Goodbye. You know, I’ve never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You’re the first. I’ve never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that’s what she says on the show right? Isn’t it? You are the weakest link. Goodbye. And, and yet you’ve taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That’s so fresh, too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we’re hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God, you’re so funny!” This long, but hilarious Stewie Griffin quote is from the episode “From Method to Madness.” The Griffin’s new next door neighbors have a daughter named Olivia, who is the same age as Stewie. She tries to insult him by saying, “You are the weakest link. Goodbye,” which leads Stewie to respond with a long quote. Stewie Griffin uses his sarcastic manner to make fun of how he cannot believe she tried to insult him with that cheesy line.
  4. “Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So…this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn’t it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.” Throughout “Family Guy” Meg has been the bud of jokes and this Stewie Griffin quote is a perfect example of how he makes fun of her. Stewie always acts like he is sorry for having to say mean things to Meg, but he takes enjoyment in it. This Stewie Griffin quote is from the episode “You May Now Kiss The…Uh…Guy Who Receives.”
  5. “There’s always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it’s not so much that I want to kill her. It’s just, I want her not to be alive anymore.” A common theme for Stewie Griffin throughout the “Family Guy” series is him wanting to kill Lois. This Stewie Griffin quote is said during the episode “Fifteen Minutes of Shame.” The episode revolves around the Griffin’s having their lives taped for a reality television show. Stewie says this quote directly to the camera during an interview about why he does not like his mother.