Believe in Me

From across the room I heard the metallic chirp of the computer. I should have moved to answer the instant message but I knew that in moments-if it wasn’t already, the identical message would show on my phone and every other electronic device that I owned,

I hadn’t been long after his departure that I would find theses little messages every time I passed something that had a frequency he could tap into. If only he held these hacking skills when he was still here,

I laid in bed wishing that he was beside me, Sometimes the phantom of his warmth made me imagine his arm wrapped around my body, his leg draped over me, I could heart the echoes of his heartbeat in the silence of the room, I wanted to believe so badly that he was still with me,

Maybe that is what brought this all on; that somehow my wish had penetrated the heavens and he was sent back for me,

The first message had come exactly six weeks after his death at 2:54 AM. A short sentence: Believe in Me.

It was a song lyric I would know anywhere. I had heard it enough times when he filled the room with music piping through the speakers of his computer as he worked. In a short time I knew all his favorite bands and songs. Funny that this message came on that early morning.

I had woke up from a dream to feel the warm lump beside me as I always had in the past then just as I got my bearings about dared to let logic play a role in the happy delusion, the phone beeped, the computer chirped. The same message blinked on both screens,

Believe in Me,

I had thought someone was playing a sick joke at first. No return number, no screen name identified. I thought it was some sort of a virus when others began to show up in the next few days :I Miss You. I Love You. Then: Do you remember what I said to you three nights before I died?


I remember the conversation perfectly. You were driving, holding my hand again the armrest. We were talking about a recent breakup of friends that seemed perfect for each other, You said I would never leave you, Ever,

I had heard this line from every boy I had ever dated and there they were just circled names in the yearbook, Pages flipped down where they had written something cheesy about how our love would last forever.

I didn’t think much about that statement in the weeks that followed after the car crash.

At 2:54 AM the messages kept coming. The same time that the paramedic team had pronounced you dead according to the reports after realizing your head trauma would never see recovery.

After weeks of messages at the sacred time, pictures began to appear starting with out photos from prom the year before. That is when I started replying to the messages.

Are you really Brayden?


How do I know that this isn’t someone messing around?

I love you, Marissa. I told you I would never leave you. Remember the last song that I sang for you?

Yes, I do.

Remember the third line?

I smiled to myself and typed: I love you to death too baby.

I wished the messages came during the daytime hours. I saved them to prove I wasn’t going mad, read them all throughout the day scrolling up and down through things said, photos remembered.

Each night I would dream of Brayden after our chats.

The computer chirped and I knew it was time again and dashed to the computer and began responding. I asked him what it was like in the place where he was. He never answered much about the afterlife. Just it was very white, beautiful. That I would see it someday and he would find me then. I asked what would happen if I met someone else that I loved in the time that I was alive.

I just want you to be happy.

He said if we didn’t end life as lovers we would always be friends when we got to see each other face to face again. The truth was my heart could never move on. He was all I had, his name was imprinted on my soul. In fact since I had it tattooed in gothic script etched on the pale skin over my ribs.

I would never move on, I would never be able to explain to another why the phone and computer went off each night and I could talk to Brayden. I would never try to explain why I remained in love with someone that had passed on,

Can I have video of where you are: I typed one night.

Did Heaven have Skype?

I don’t know how but it appeared. A beautiful field, blue sky and white cotton clouds and Brayden stood in the middle of the scene in the shirt he always wore after baseball practice that hugs his slim waist and tight ab muscles. He smiled.

I miss you, I love you: I typed to him and the reply came back:

Even in the hours I can’t talk to you I am always with you, I love you.

I watch the clock as it becomes 2:54 AM and I know I have messages coming. The phone beeps, the computer chirps. I reach for the Blackberry off the night stand and see my first video message is a memory of us kissing on the Ferris wheel at the fair last summer. I sigh and type: I loved that day.

You are beautiful: he replies.

I still have that teddy bear you won me.

I know. You sleep with it,

I wish you were here.

I am here, I am always here. I love you

I love you more.