Barry Bonds Found Guilty of Obstruction of Justice in Perjury / Steroids Trial

On Tuesday, a federal court found Barry Bonds guilty of obstruction of justice for an evasive answer he’d given under oath over seven years ago. According to the Huffington Post:

Rather than say “yes” or “no” to whether he received drugs that required a syringe, Bonds gave a rambling response to a grand jury, stating: “I became a celebrity child with a famous father.”

The decision from the eight women and four men who listened to testimony during the 12-day trial turned out to be a mixed and muddled verdict on the slugger that left more questions than answers.U.S. District Judge Susan Illston declared a mistrial on the three charges that Bonds made false statements when he told a grand jury in December 2003 that he never knowingly received steroids and human growth hormone from trainer Greg Anderson and that he allowed only doctors to inject him.

Bonds flashed a victory sign to a few of his fans who watched him walk out of the courthouse. Bonds wore a luxurious black suit and purple necktie, looking as good as any celebrity could. He had a few days’ stubble on his chinny chin chin.

One of the fans asked Barry, “Are you celebrating tonight?” And Bonds replied, “There’s nothing to celebrate.” This downcast response from an all-star slugger should act as a collective slap to the faces of all non-celebrity Americans. Look what man has done to one of its greatest and most impressive celebrities.

The men and women of Justice have tried to destroy the will and power of a celebrity, and that is breaking God’s law. If Barry Bonds did break any laws, they were only man’s laws, but not God’s laws, but to tread upon a major celebrity, such as Bonds is a truly Godly transgression.

Beware all you non-celebrities, for your day of wrath is coming. May 21, 2011, when all celebrities will go to Heaven. Jesus was a celebrity, and from Heaven did he come, and to Heaven did he ascend. God has delivered all celebrities to earth, and he will selfishly gather them up on May 21 of this year.

If you don’t believe Barry Bonds is being unfairly attacked by America’s justice system, then take a moment to ask why Afghanistan is being obliterated by American missiles and military men. Because there are no celebrities in Afghanistan! And those non-celebrities are not working for the good of celebrities, like Barry Bonds.

Can Any Afghani Be Even 1/1000th as Great as Barry Bonds? Not a chance. They must be destroyed, just as Pakistanis, Iraqis, and the like must be destroyed with bombs and missiles. Those non-celebrities who are not serving and working for the world’s celebrities are not worthy of life. They are truly the ones obstructing justice. And they are guilty guilty guilty! More from the HuffingtonPost:

There was initial confusion when the jury informed Illston’s clerk, Tracy Forakis, that they had reached a verdict, and the court made a public announcement. But when Forakis went back to the jury room, the panel said the verdict form wasn’t completed because there was a deadlock. The court then issued a retraction of its verdict announcement and Illston convened the lawyers, first without jurors, then with them, and learned they were deadlocked on at least some of the charges.

Bonds, the seven-time National League MVP, chatted with his lawyers while Illston and the jury went back behind closed doors. When they returned, Illston opened a manila envelope with the verdict and handed it to Forakis to read.

Bonds leaned forward, looked at the clerk, but never reacted when the verdict was read. His mother, Pat, watched from a second-row bench.

“Divided, not unanimous,” on count one.

“Divided, not unanimous,” on count two.

“Divided, not unanimous,” on count three.

And then, just when it appeared Bonds would escape unscathed, came the final word from the jury:

“Guilty,” on obstruction of justice.

“This case is about upholding one of the most fundamental principles in our system of justice – the obligation of every witness to provide truthful and direct testimony in judicial proceedings,” Melinda Haag, the U.S. attorney in San Francisco, said in a statement. “In the United States, taking an oath and promising to testify truthfully is a serious matter. We cannot ignore those who choose instead to obstruct justice. We will decide whether to seek a retrial of the defendant on the remaining counts as soon as possible.”

But Melinda Haag is wrong. The most fundamental principle of our system of justice is the obligation of all non-celebrities to make life easier for celebrities. If celebrities are suddenly found guilty of wrong doings, where does that leave humanity? Who will humanity look up to? This is why OJ Simpson can slit the throats of non-celebrities, because although that act is messy, it isn’t nearly as messy as losing all respect for God’s chosen people: Celebrities.