On a beautiful Saturday, the sky is blue as sweet cotton candy and the clouds have decided to take a vacation from Chattanooga. It’s about six clock, and the bitter humidity has calmed its nerves and invited humans to come out their homes. After a grueling day work of switching channels to find something to watch, I decide that the park might have hot girls in summer shorts. I get in my ninety-six Crown Vic that I like to call ‘love mobile’ and head down to the park.
Once I pull up I see some kids running around with their dog, blah blah, shouldn’t they are doing homework or watching the news. Gosh parents just don’t know how to raise kids these days, I believe my mom did a good job though. I look over to my far left and see some babes sitting on a bench. One is a blonde with tight Capri jeans and a tank top on, the other is a brunette who is wearing cargo Capri pants and a button up shirt that I see in Hollister. These girls must be rich, I should definitely go talk them, maybe they can buy me a Mercedes Benz or move me out my mom’s house.
I do my fly walk up to these girls. “Hey ladies, do y’all mind calling an ambulance because y’all beauty kills me inside.” The girls deliberated me in disgust and confusion. “Get away from us you creep,” the blonde responds. I move away before I cause attention to myself but I’ll think of another plan and come again. Next time I won’t fail. I stand by the water fountain a few feet from where the babes are, they occasionally look my way and I can tell in their cold eyes they want me back.
One of their babies starts to cry and then I get a caprice to show my chivalry. I had my baby cousin the. Other day and I still have some of his toys in my trunk, so I’ll just grab a toy, make the baby shut up, and then I’m on my way to marrying a hot chick. “Hey ladies I heard your baby crying and I thought I’ll bring it a toy so it can shut the hell up…I mean so it can be happy,” I say with a wide smile as it supposed to fix my mistake.
“First of all, he’s not an it his name is Corey, and he doesn’t need a toy he only needs his diaper changed, but thanks I guess,” the brunette says.
“Oh I’m sorry, hey Corey how are ya?” I reach my hand down as to shake the babies hand.
“Back off you asshole,” the baby screams.
“What?” The blonde ask.
“Did you just call me an asshole?”
“No, why would I say such a thing,” the blonde spits back shaking her head.
“Oh I’m sorry I just thought I heard something.”
The women contemplate me as if I have two heads on my neck.
“This guy will fuck up everything if he doesn’t leave,” the baby held by the blonde screams out.
“Um, your baby is talking to me miss.”
The blonde looks down at her baby and is babbling away.
“What the hell dude? You are creepy.”
“But your babies are talking”….What the hell am I saying? I’m telling these women their babies are talking to me.
“We’ll have to make due with him around Corey; we can’t afford to procrastinate our plan. First, we get the president alone, and then we call in our troops.”
“Ma’am your baby is talking about getting the president alone or something.”
“Sr you need to back away from us or we’ll call for security.”
“Lady I’m not crazy, can’t you hear them.”
The women look bewildered by this man that they actually look down at their babies. The brunette’s baby is sitting, crying right after she changed his diaper. The blondes baby is silently sucking on his baby bottle.
“Uh I hate this damn whole milk, why can’t she breast feed me more.”
“You can say that again,” Corey says.
“So what are we going to do about the president’s security, you know it’ll be tight,” Corey says.
“Don’t worry, I have a bomb to blow them to baby food once they are detached away from the president,” the other baby says.
I walk a few inches away from the women, “I can’t believe this, am I really hearing babies talk,” I say aloud to myself. I can still hear the babies clearly behind my back. They’re talking about soldiers, guns, the president, and much of stuff I don’t understand. What does freakin’ babies want to do with the president? And why the hell can I understand every word they’re saying but it’s just babbling to their mothers.
I turnaround to face the babies and Corey bestows me an evil grin that sends chills up my spine. The fact that a baby brings me fear makes me feel weird and frightened nonetheless. I walk off not wanting to cause any more drama with the mothers or to believe that I must be going insanely. I know I’ve drunk a little too much, but I never heard of a side effect that makes you illusion you’re hearing babies talk, evil babies for that matter.
“Yes, walk off, your fate will be as the rest of the world,” the blondes baby says in a deep evil voice that made we want to run as fast as I could to my car but I didn’t want to attract any attention from the mothers or from anyone else.
What fate is he talking about? No, I’m not hearing anything, these babies aren’t talking to me. I’m just gone stop drinking and everything will be fine tomorrow, yeah tomorrow I’ll forget about everything that just happened and feel fine.