Author and Mentor Dannah Gresh Thinks “Friends with Benefits” Not Possible

Dannah Gresh is an author who writes books advocating people live lives of purity and especially she sees the mother/daughter bond as central to that end. Gresh discusses things like young males being driven by visual stimulation and how girls should dress and act in modest manners and things along that line. For more go to her site. Gresh uses an interesting set of facts and theories to bolster her thesis and I find some of her thoughts to be interesting.

As reported on the, Gresh finds casual sex problematic not only for the obvious social reasons but for biological ones as well and it is that part that so interests me. As Gresh wrote “The deep limbic system stores and classifies odor, music, symbols and memory. In other words, it’s a place for romance, capable of processing a splash of cologne on your lover’s neck, a particular iPod playlist or a bouquet of red roses.” I find this to be dead true and accurate, regardless of if I agree with her overall thesis or not.

But Gresh’s comments bring to mind the thought that many take for granted how important the senses are to our emotions. Smell is for me without doubt the primary emotional sense. Scent will take me places even a visual will not as for me scent is so much more evocative. A scent is a powerful attractant and that seems about right considering humans are animals, as in the animal world scent is the key to life in almost every aspect.

How many know that human pheromones propel us as they do most other creatures? Did you know that unseen and totally unaware to us, we are attracted to a scent more than any other thing? Is one aware that often deep emotional and physical attraction can be effected by where the woman is in her monthly cycle, at least initially?

Of course visual is also a huge part for humans and that is compensation to a degree. Our sense of smell is not as defined and capable as that of much of the animal world, so to compensate we substitute more visual ques to cause initial attraction. And while even in the animal world visual stimulation is often important, sometimes it’s not at all. For example it appears dogs and cats seem to operate entirely upon scent and that is the case of much of the animal world, but there are clearly examples of vision playing a huge role as well. Antlers are a fine example of this…the bigger the better for some species.

I discovered this long ago when my wife once told me she loved my smell, which seemed odd on its surface…I mean I bathe daily, but I never wear cologne or hair gel or any other scent except Whiplash and good old Right Guard in the copper can. And oddly when I spray Right Guard she waves her hands in front of her nose and says “phew!” Heck, I thought but for the Right Guard I always smelled like “ass” as Generation “X” or “Y” or whatever these people call themselves, always say for anything that does not smell good to them. Turns out the Mommy Gurl was onto something.

As well Gresh argues it is indeed possible for one to become “addicted” to another. She sees such “addiction” to a lover as dangerous and complicating “when the partners you’ve become addicted and bonded to are gone,” referencing the danger of casual sex, it’s implications and potential dangers to ones emotions. I wonder, is this potentially problematic addiction Gresh refers to is the result of the chemical bonding between people, or instead just one’s selfish desire to have whatever it is we believe we want? Perhaps a little of both.

Regardless of Gresh’s thesis of modesty and purity, she’s right that well beneath the surface and without us even knowing it, there are archaic and innate forces driving even modern man to the things we do. Seems no matter how many steps we take from the trees; no matter how advanced our species become, we are still never very far from our beginnings. Interesting, no?