Atheists Are Thieves, God is a Policeman

Recently, I came across a quote that I had never heard before.

“Atheists can’t find God for the same reason that a thief can’t find a policeman” – Author Unknown (Code words for “I thought this up on the crapper”)

I can’t help but notice the subtle (or perhaps not-so-subtle) association of atheists to thieves. Well, I guess one is a dastardly villain who goes against all societal rules of decency and belongs in a prison, and the other one takes things that aren’t his.

I can only assume that the analogy means that the thief can’t find the policeman because he isn’t looking for him. But it is a poor thief that isn’t on the lookout for a policeman. In fact, thieves usually employ one whole gang member whose purpose is exactly that. A “lookout”. They’ve seen the police and many of them have already been in jail. If there’s anyone who believes in the police, it’s thieves. Thieves that don’t look out for policemen are called inmates.

But it’s supreme fallacy to claim that atheists do not or have not looked for God. I would say that the exact reason that they are atheists is because they looked hard and could not find or could not make sense of God as currently described. I submit that it is the believer the most who has not looked. Seek and ye shall not find, be discouraged, and eventually say “Fuck it, this is just nuts”.

Or, is it supposed to mean that the thief believes in policemen, but doesn’t want to find the policeman, because he’ll go to jail? Likewise, the atheist doesn’t want to find God because he shall be smoten for his evil ways by volcano, earthquake, or stubbed toe. If this is, in fact, the purpose of this analogy, then it already presupposes that an atheist is “doing something wrong”, like stealing. But policemen can easily be summoned by holding up a bank and letting the teller reach under the counter to press the silent alarm. I have read about the Easter Bunny , and there’s even a new movie out where he shits jelly beans, but I have never seen the real Easter Bunny. And I certainly can’t summon him. God can’t even be summoned when an old creepy guy in a robe molests a young child. So stealing a thing or two is surely not on God’s radar. And stealing is even on his “naughty list”, while raping kids is suspiciously absent.

No, again, I think atheists would love to find God. Maybe God is doing something wrong by obscuring himself in completely ridiculous stories that do not do him any service. Having carefully thought about it for more than 5 minutes and not blindly following without inquiry, atheists would not expect a God to need his simple creatures to assemble to sing his praises on Sundays . And they would not expect a God to place more importance on believing in him over what one does while on the Earth. Because that God sounds like one with some deep-seated insecurities. Perhaps that God was created in man’s image, and not the other way around.

Besides…A good policeman will always find the thief. Like that red haired guy on CSI:Miami. You can’t get shit past him.