Between the ages of one and three, children begin to assert their independence, by walking away from their mother, picking which toy to play with, and making choices about what they like to wear, to eat, etc. If children in this stage are encouraged and supported in their increased independence, they become more confident and secure in their own ability to survive in the world. If children are criticized, overly controlled, or not given the opportunity to assert themselves, they begin to feel inadequate in their ability to survive, and may then become overly dependent upon others, lack self-esteem, and feel a sense of shame or doubt in their own abilities. (Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development)
Being devastated by the abuse, I told myself I deserved a good husband who loves me, nourish me and care for me. Never been my option to have an abused husband. I was good looking, had a good job and was smart. I deserve more. Even though deserving a good husband had never been encouraged by my parents, social common law taught me. Therefore I took this rights as mine and established it in my soul.
When the abuse happened, this established rights would crave its way to be independent. I felt downgraded so my concerns drove my action to seek for fulfillment. The feeling of being downgraded raised my ego to rebellion. Rebellion took me to action. Then the love-affairs began. I started seeking love, nourishment and care from someone else’s husband. What in the world had blocked my mind that he was not a good husband to his own wife? Or even if he was single, what made you blind to the possibility that he would not make a good husband by getting intimate with someone else’s wife?
Other women think their rights are being provided for by her husband, therefore, her husband should earn more than what she can make. When her husband earns less, not only she lost respect of him, but she would assert her rights to find a man who provides. Then the love-affairs began.
What rights have you been asserted? When have you been concerned about getting it? How have you ended up thinking you deserve the rights? When the rights are not fulfilled, how do you feel? Have you ever thought of other way of getting your rights fulfilled other than earning it?
We grew in a society that supports us to assert our rights. Psychology teaches us that we need encouragement to live out our independence, confidence and be secured in our ability. Here is our problem: we don’t know what our real rights are. We learned our rights from what gives us good feeling such as independence, freedom to choose and act. Therefore, when our feeling is not good, our independence has been hijacked and our ability had been crippled, we tend to seek a way to re-establish our rights. We assert what we think we deserve.
Very few children have been taught that rights are not supposed to be earned or deserved, rights are received. When it is true that we get our rights by asserting it, stating it, declaring it, make it noticeable to yourself and others; we don’t earn nor deserve it from other people. It is not about you asserting your rights, it is about what you believe your rights are and how you are getting them. Only by knowing how God’s sufficient grace reestablished our rights in Christ Jesus and what rights we have in Him, then will we enjoy living out our rights contained in God’s grace.
You might suggest that we live in a law-enforced society. The law has given us sort of rights and responsibilities. I cannot agree more with you. We were born in a society under the law and our mindsets have been kidnapped by the law. It is made clear to us our rights, including our social rights.
The human rights policy tries to protect us from the danger of domestic violence. But, is the policy really able to protect? When the social common law imposed our rights as wives not to be abused by our own husbands, does the law work for our best interest? What is it that our women soul need after all?
You might find yourself enslaved by expecting the law work for you. Our law-consciousness have taken us prisoners to crave for what we deserve ‘” our rights. We were intimidated by what we believe will work for our best interest ‘” the law. At the same, by trying to earn your rights, you declare yourself as victim and the law as your protector. Even when you’re set free from your abuser or lousy husband, can you really enjoy the aftermath?
Your Grace Bite: I am the afflicted and God is my solicitor.
The good news is, Jesus died to law to redeem us who have been taken prisoner by law-conscious mindset. Thus we have been set free to experience our rightful heritage in Christ through His death. You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as God’s own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, “Papa! Father!” Doesn’t that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? Not a slave of the law-conscious mindset, but a child of grace. And if you are a child, you’re also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance ‘” your real rights.
So, how do we assert our real rights? What is my rights as a child of The Most High? If we look into my case, I thought I deserve a good husband, from whom I expect to be loved, nourished and taken care for. When it was true that I wanted to be loved, my source of fulfillment was wrong ‘” a good husband. The truth is, having a good husband was not my real rights. My real rights is to be loved. Who is able to love you more than Jesus who died for you? Once you receive His love, then your rights are fulfilled. Then your husband loves you, because the rights has made you who you are ‘” the beloved. Besides, your behaviors will be rightful with who you are in Christ, behaviors that make obvious you are loved, nourished and taken care for.
But Grace, why is it so difficult to receive God’s love? Discern this: God gives the afflicted their rights.
Only when I laid down myself before God as the afflicted and not as the deserved, He gives my rights. As the afflicted, you position yourself as the broken-hearted who needs Him. You have heard that God makes close friends with the broken-hearted, haven’t you? He grieved with me in my sorrow for not being loved. He felt my pain. He indentified with me as the afflicted. I can feel His love healing my wounded-heart. Soothing my pain. And His resurrection power raising me up from the pit. He defended my cause as the weak and the oppressed. He spoke to the abuse power to leave me once and for all. He made me His righteous and I was able to get through the suffering in Him who strengthened me.
By knowing your rights as the afflicted, the wounded, the weak, the oppressed, but also the beloved, the defendant, the lifted up, the freed and the righteous, they are fulfilled by His grace in Christ Jesus.
Many of us have been suffering because of trying to get our rights from other people. In what suffering have you been today because of asserting your rights? Does asserting your rights this way help you? What is it you’re trying to get anyway?
Our suffering makes us who we are. What does it make you before God? What does it make God before you? What rights does it give you?
What Jesus had been through on earth to identify with you? What His resurrection power will do to fulfill your rights as the righteous?
Lord, this is me, the …………………and you are my ……………… I know that you, God, are on the side of victims, that you care for the rights of the needy. Today my soul is in need of ……………………….. I laid down my life before you, knowing that your grace is sufficient for me. Teach me to be humble by giving up what I think I deserve and receiving Who I Am in Christ. Only by letting your grace to fill me in, I can be completed in Christ Jesus. Thank you for your grace, O Lord, I receive it in Jesus Name.