Ask a Crazy B*tch

We offer our advice on Blackberry-throwing, Facebook-stalking, over-texting, over-analyzing, or ANYTHING that’s making you feel like a CB. We were inspired by our readers to create this feature and believe their questions can help others.


Dear CB,

I’ve had an on again, off again relationship with a guy for way too long now, it’s been years actually. We recently just had another break up but I already know that in a few months we will probably reconnect. I love him but I think I would be happier with him out of my life. Can you help?




Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for writing in. The answer to your question is simple, yes. Yes we can help and yes you will be happier with him out of your life. Being in similar circumstances we know how hard this situation can seem when you’re living it. But in reality, when you’ve had perspective and distance, this situation actually has an easy fix. You need to rid of him completely. Unless you share children there should be absolutely no reason why you can’t get him out of your life (other than you’re Crazy B*tch need to continue the drama that’s unfolded for years). We’ve heard (and made ourselves) every excuse in the book; you have a dog together, you live together, you work together. All of these predicaments have solutions. It is time to cut off all communication and avoid all contact. You need to end it completely, cold turkey.

Here is the real truth. He is not the one. You already know that. Even if a part of you believes otherwise, that part is not enough. Any doubt means that it’s time to move on. We understand that it’s not always easy to say goodbye, especially to someone you’ve shared so much with over the years. A break-up can often feel like a death. So here is our best advice. Give it three months. Tell yourself you will not speak to him, text him, email him, Facebook stalk him, ask all his friends how he’s doing, drive by his neighborhood hangout to see if his car is there – none of these things for three-whole-months. If at the end of three months you are dying to send a “how are you” text or check his social network status, then fine, be our guest. But you must spend three months doing absolutely everything in your power to rid your life of this man. If you cannot bare to throw away all of the reminders, okay, then pack it all up in a box, seal it with extra-strength packing tape and put it so far back in your closet it sits behind those designer jeans you’ve been saving for the day they’ll eventually fit. Now spend your time taking care of you. Give yourself a mourning period. The amount of time is different for everyone, it’s whatever you feel comfortable with. Two weeks is always a good target but if you need more, take it, if after a week you feel great, great! But take the time you need to feel sad. It’s okay if the dishes pile up and you eat nothing but frozen veggie burgers everyday. But give yourself an allotted amount of time and then move on. Shower, clean your home, start exercising, come up with a plan to make yourself feel better. Get a new haircut, buy a new handbag, it really is going to be a new you!

Now it’s been three months. You feel great, you look great, and you haven’t talked to whats-his-face in ninety days. This is when you make the real decision. Do you go back or do you move forward? If you’ve taken our advice, I promise you, you will not go back.

We hope this helps!


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