Arnold Schwarzenegger Fathered a Child W/ Household Staffer; The Next Chapter in the Arnie / Shriver Divorce

Former California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to fathering a child with a member of his household staff. This revelation (and possibly twisted comedy of manners plot) apparently prompted wife Maria Shriver to leave the couple’s home before they announced their separation last week.

(get a load of the separation here) (get a load of the official ‘I fathered a secret child’ action here)

The Shriver’s been having a hard time with the ‘transition’, as she says. On May 9, Schwarzenegger and Shriver announced they were splitting up and getting a divorce. Earlier this year, Shriver moved out of the family’s Brentwood mansion, but nobody knew why. We all thought she was sick of Brentwood, and I wouldn’t have blamed her. Brentwood is a boring, typical, overly-affluent place where a bunch of zombies in polo shirts and summer dresses drink Starbucks coffee heavily mixed with cream and sugar while they talk about the weather. At a Starbucks in Los Angeles: How Environmentally Unfriendly Humans Pay for Not Recycling; A Reflection on Starbucks Recycling, Karmic Debt, and Eco-Disastrous Human Beings “After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago,” Schwarzenegger told the L.A. Times, “I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.”

The former governor admitted that while he is sorry for the hurt he’s caused, he is not sorry for the pleasure he enjoyed during the affair. What do household staffers do, anyway, other than tidy up and service the needs of the master? While the affair was nice, the child was unexpected, the Arnold has admitted.

Arnold also asked the media to respect his family through “this extremely difficult time. While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not.” Schwarzenegger is not unaccustomed to a little slander and libel. He has a history of chasing females while being juiced on vodka. The Arnold is a woman groping machine, and he also, sometimes, behaves badly. There is plenty of room for mockery when it comes to the Arnold.

But don’t mock Shriver. She’s going through a tough time, wondering what’s next for her in this life. Sometimes having too much money, success, and fame can be exhausting and stressful. Send her no scrutiny. Save it for the Terminator.