Are Your Ready to Be a Parent?

Couples in Maine and other very cold states are claiming that insurance companies should pay for infertility treatments. Instead of fighting this, insurance companies should say yes, but you first must pass a test to prove you want children.

Here is the test:

Are you willing to

• Stick month year old French fries between your car seats and leave them for a year. Yes__ No

• Put $500 a month into a college fund for a kid who thinks that boogers are food? Yes__ No __

• Spend over $400 a month on diapers and wipe big gobs of poop off a kid’s butt. Yes__ No __

• Have a two year old living in your house? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Yes__ No __

• Every morning for the next two years, take a bowl of oatmeal and spill it on the floor. Yes__ No __

• For the next three months, without skipping a day, go to McDonald’s and get a happy meal. Yes__ No __

• When you go to bed, set your alarm to go off at 1.am,.3 a.m, , 5 a,m. At 5 a.m. be up for the day. Yes__ No __

• Take your nicest piece of furniture and rub mud on it. Yes__ No __

• Take your nicest lamp and break it. Yes__ No __

• Take your golf clubs and sell them at a garage sale, you won’t need them for a while. Yes__ No __

• Quit looking at that affordable loft downtown. Do you know what inner city schools are like.? Go to the most expensive suburb in the state. Look at the housing prices. Wouldn’t you pay that so your kid can go to the best school district. Yes__ No __

• Take your new car and ram it into your new garage door. Yes__ No __

• Take your favorite book and scribble in all the pages so you can’t read them. Yes__ No __

• Go to work five days in a row with unwashed hair because every time you get in the shower, the baby cries. Yes__ No __

• Forgo all vacations for the next ten years, except ones to Disney World with kids hitting each other in the back seat? Yes__ No __

• Read Good Night Moon 500 times? Yes__ No __

• Listen to a teenager say:. Whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever. Yes__ No __

• Install a bowling alley in your head Yes___ No ___

• Have a teenager say: How lame, how lame, how lame , how lame Yes__ No __

• Go down to any police station at three in the morning to bring your son home. Yes__ No __

• Go for days without having an adult conversation Yes___ No ___

• Have someone hang around your house who you have to clothe and feed for 18 years and he doesn’t even pay rent Yes___ No __

• Be grounded for 18 years Yes ____ No ____

• Drive a minivan for the next 18 years Yes ___ or No ____

• Watch Sesame Street instead of a real news program in the morning Yes ___ or No ____

• Realize there is NO exit strategy Yes ___ or No ____

• After 18 years of raising the kid, forgo any chance of retirement because you have to pay college tuition. Yes ___ or No ____

• Protect the child with helmets, car seats, elbow pads only to have him buy a motorcycle at 18. Yes ___ or No ____

• Pour sun screen on him for 18 years only to have his skin covered with tattoos. Yes ___ or No ____

• See the kid who was terrified to get shot at the doctors, pierce every possible part of his or her body. Yes ___ or No ____

If you answered NO to at least five of the above questions. Congratulations – you still have a brain and should be happy that we, the BIG insurance company, will not pay for your fertility treatments. Enjoy your life instead.