How dumb is the general population? I dare not answer this question, and will instead allow the proof to speak for itself. When Newsweek recently asked 1,000 U.S. citizens to take America’s official citizenship test, 29 percent couldn’t name the vice president. Seventy-three percent couldn’t correctly say why we fought the Cold War. Forty-four percent were unable to define the Bill of Rights. And 6 percent couldn’t even circle Independence Day on a calendar. I was sent an e-mail filled with these statistics, and it blew my mind.
ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS? The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination. These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, and they will one day breed as well as run our country.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
OMG! When 1,000 citizens were asked the question “Are you a Dumb American” the majority of them answered NO, but the answers to a not so challenging history quiz states otherwise. Here are the questions. I proved that I am not a dumb American by getting 8/10 answers correct. See how you rate:
1. What’s so special about 1776?
o It’s the year the Pilgrims landed
o It’s the year of America’s Declaration of Independence
o It’s the year George Washington became President
o It’s the year the US Constitution was written
2. How many US senators are there?
3. How many stars and stripes does the US flag have?
o 50 stars, 13 stripes
o 50 stars, 7 stripes
o 48 stars, 13 stripes
o 48 stars, 7 stripes
4. What was the first state in the union?
5. The Revolutionary War was fought for independence from:
6. Who represents the judicial branch of the government?
o The Attorney General
o The District Attorney
o The Supreme Court
o The Ways and Means Committee
7. Which of the following is not a US state?
o Puerto Rico
8. The US civil war was in what decade?
9. What’s the US national anthem?
o The Star Spangled Banner
o America the Beautiful
o The Pledge of Allegiance
o God Bless America
10. What does the D.C. in Washington DC stand for?
o District of California
o District of the Constitution
o District of Columbia
o District of the Confederacy