Anthony Weiner the Victim of a Twitter Prank, Weinergate Hysteria & My Viciously Jealous Friend

The girl with the dragon tattoo caught up with me Tuesday evening. She must have seen my license plate during all the confusion at the Goodwill Store the other day. There is no doubt in my mind that she ‘manipulated’ the LAPD into using my plate number to track me down. She won’t disclose the exact details, but we’re sitting in her apartment either way. Those are the hard facts. I’m sweating. She is searching online for the famous Anthony Weiner ‘weinergate’ picture. She thinks Anthony Weiner is a sexy little man, and she’d like to try to find a picture without the underwear.

Anthony Weiner is a U.S. Representative for New York’s 9th congressional district. This past Friday, somebody allegedly hacked into his Twitter account and sent a ‘lewd’ picture to one of Weiner’s 21-year old ‘followers’. Big Government first reported the ‘lewd’ picture, a scandal which has now become known as ‘weinergate’, and the picture was removed before the intended recipient received it.

“So she didn’t even see it?” my new friend asks. She’s very disgusted. She sits at her desk, desperately searching for hot pictures of Anthony Weiner. A fedora she managed to steal from the thrift store is cocked on her head. In the shadow cast over her face from the hat’s brim, I can see the outline of her black eye. “He’s such a hot little man.”

That’s pretty much what Rush Limbaugh said, I tell her. I’m sitting on her floor. There are dozens of stuffed animals strewn all around. They all seem to be looking at me. Check out Woodgate’s View, I say. Larry’s always writing very patient and accurate analyses of current political events. You might learn something. Be a good habit for you to wake up in the morning, make a strong cup of coffee, and read some of his articles. He gives a sobering view of wealth disparity in this country, and he often details the plight of working class Americans. L B posted something about Weiner and Andrew Breitbart (the guy behind the Big Government site) earlier this evening.

“I hate politics,” she says. She’s chewing gum like a madwoman. She’s unpredictable. I shouldn’t be here. My mother would disapprove.

Well, you should like politics. They affect you. Your ignorance is exactly the reason why you and I will not get married. I’m holding out for brains and a big bank account. You have neither.

“I hate you,” she says. She throws a stuffed giraffe at me. “But I love you too. We were married in a past life, why not do it again? I’m going to keep asking until you give in.”

Salon.com is calling Weiner’s conference with the media today ‘awkward’. He called a mainstream reporter a jackass. Breitbart thought that was an injustice. Is it kosher? he asked. I remember when Bush Jr. called a reporter an asshole. But that was good old country boy speak back then. These days, we’re more serious. Weiner has hired a lawyer, I assume for legal advice over whether or not to press charges against the alleged hacker.

There’s something fishy about the this entire affair, but I don’t know what it is yet. I do believe Weiner’s Twitter was hacked, but I think there’s something here he’s not telling us. I could be wrong. I hope it all blows over fairly soon, because I like Weiner. He’s a powerful force for the Democrats. He doesn’t back down easily.

It’s all a little ridiculous, I say, and Rush Limbaugh agrees. I got a package from the delivery man this morning, and he didn’t even mention the ‘weinergate’ scandal. I thought that was refreshing. Everywhere I go, some yokel slaps me on the shoulder and asks me what I think of the old Weiner picture.

“What did you get in the package?” she asks.

Cinnamon, I say. Enough cinnamon to build a mini desert. But the delivery man, he wasn’t interested in the Twitter scandal. He had a different bit of news. He told me about a new study detailing the carcinogenic quality of cellphone radiation, and how that can cause cancer and brain tumors.

“I’m on my cellphone all the time,” she says. “And I feel fine.”

You and many other Americans, I say. It’s affecting your cogency. You’re also on Twitter all the time.

“I started following Weiner. He’d better send me a picture! And I hope it’s not rated G this time.”

Why don’t you ask Andrew Breitbart to send you a picture of Weiner? He’d be happy to. There’s a good chance there’s more where the first ‘weinergate’ picture came from.

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