An Election Miracle?

Some might think that I’d be freaked out at the idea of both Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann running for President of the United States. After all, I don’t give either much intellectual credit outside of knowing how to energize a base of voters that would probably vote a rabid squirrel before they voted for President Obama. They know all the right buzzwords and rhetoric, which I suppose should give them at least credit for being able to rub a couple synapses together. For most people these two women running for election in the race for the White House next year is a nightmare. Me though, I’m looking at it as an absolute miracle.

I’m a humorist and comedian first and foremost, and no other pair of candidates could possibly generate more material than the woman who thought seeing Russia from her office made her a subject matter expert on America’s diplomatic relationship with the former Soviet Union or the woman who has a hard time even looking a camera in the eye. It’s like having two female Dan Quayles with George W. Bush’s IQ in the same election. My only worry is that my fingers will fall off from typing all the jokes.

No, neither one of these Tea-Party Dolls is qualified to be president. Neither one has any real experience in legislation. Palin actually quit her governorship in order to write a book and star in a terrible, terrible reality show. Bachmann is barely qualified to tie her shoes, let alone lead a nation. For these very reasons I pray each night to God in Heaven above that they stick out through the election. Even if the Republican party smartens up and ditches their ties to the Tea Party and in turn cuts these two ladies loose, I beg them to stay in the race until November.

In fact, if they are reading this, Michele and Sarah please join forces. I don’t care if Michele is the presidential candidate and Sarah is the vice-presidential candidate or vice versa. I just want you two to consider teaming up.I mean a legitimate Palin/Bachmann or Bachmann/Palin ticket. It would be historic! The first time two people running for the highest office in the land wouldn’t have the combined intelligence of the ballots their names rest on.

See what I mean? Already the jokes are flowing, and that wasn’t even that great a joke. Think about what we’ll be able to craft with a full election cycle’s worth of time to write! I’m begging the registered Republicans of this country to vote for these two fine specimens of Tea Party bravado and gravitas in your primaries. It’s the best kind of girl-girl action any conservative could possibly hope for!

Despite the veritable treasure trove of comedic material these two women hold in store for the comedians of the world, there is of course another reason I’m hoping they team up and get their party’s nomination. It’s not all just about being able to take pot-shots at the easiest targets to ever throw their hats in the ring. The biggest reason to hope for Palin and Bachmann to stay in this election to the end? It would guarantee Obama’s second term.