All’s Fair in Love and Work

The resume is much like that of the on-line dating profile. You’ve got a nice list of your likes and strengths, as well as previous relationships–er, I mean jobs. The resume is our eye catcher. It’s our shy wave across the room. If you’re lucky, you’ve got a friend in the inner circle who can go see if you’ve got a chance without you having to make a move at all. But most of us have a page or two that accounts for who we’ve worked for the last few years. Essentially, an employer looks at it and decides whether the two of you would be good together. After they mull it over comes the next part, hopefully.

The blind date. You put on your best clothes and make sure your hair is just right. Then you think about not going at all because you see yourself in the mirror and have a panic attack. Deep breath. It’ll probably just be fifteen minutes. Thirty if they really like me. Forty five if I do that nervous talking thing. Woo-saw. It’s going to be okay. How can they turn me down? I’m the best! Anyone would be lucky to have me! Put on your best smile and show ’em what you got. Interviews are stressful. Especially if you’re trying for a career change, because then they look at your resume like “What are you doing here?” I’ve been stuck in food service and my lack of skills in other areas is really putting a damper on my style. We’ve all been there. It’s tough when you know you can kick ass at something if they’d just let you try. You can be the best possible match for a job, but a stack of paperwork stands between you and it. It’d be like if someone didn’t want to give you a chance because you’ve never been in a long term relationship before. Well so what? You’re ready now! You’re ready to commit because you feel that special something. But alas, they go with the person who’s been married and divorced ten times because they’ve obviously got their crap together if they’ve been married ten times. If you manage to plead your case and show them how right you are for each other, then you get to hear the ever famous words: “I’ll call you.” Oh boy.

And so it begins. The waiting, staring, and pacing. It really is a rollercoaster of emotion. When you leave them after they say it you feel so good! So excited and hopeful because they really seemed to like you and you can’t believe how lucky you are to have totally nailed that interview. After a couple days, the cloud you’re on deflates a little bit but you remain optimistic. Obviously they haven’t called because it’s Friday and they want to wait till after the weekend. No big deal. After a couple more days pass. It’s a little bit of a deal. Not a big deal, but it’s definitely a deal. It’s three o’clock on Monday afternoon and they haven’t called. Did I talk too much? Not enough? Did I make it clear WHY they should call me? Should I call them? No that’s too needy, let’s just be cool. Time moves so slowly during this time. It gets so bad you think about calling up an ex. Thinking maybe you shouldn’t have left. Sure, I was putting more into it than what I was getting out. And sure they weren’t looking to settle down, but was it really so bad that I would rather be single? Snap out of it! We were so not right for each other. Were we? No! Personally I tend to torture myself by looking at job postings related to my last job even though I swore I’d never get into that again. For some reason I just have to look.

Eventually you get the message. Some places send what I call a “break up letter”, which I tend to favor over not hearing back at all. And sometimes enough time passes that you’ve both moved on and you can work your charm on the next contestant. Or the most annoying thing happens and a week after your interview you see the job posted again. That’s like their Facebook update reading “I’m tired of being lonely. I wish someone would show interest in me.” It’s okay if they don’t call though. If they can’t see it, it’s for the best; you wouldn’t like working there anyway. Someday the right job will come along and you’ll just look and wonder “Where have you been all my life?”