A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Abercrombie and Fitch

Making headlines are Prince William and his chocolate and cookie groom cake request, and risqué bikinis for children in the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog. Guess who won the most media attention?

This is amazing to me, coming from the “Goodbye Mr. Chips” generation, but it’s progress, I suppose.

Apparently, in England, traditional wedding cake recipes are those awful dreaded fruit cakes that we have grown to dislike in the US, to the point that even adding whiskey or rum doesn’t cut it anymore. Here, fruit cakes have dwindled down to the $2.99 individually shrink-wrapped variety sold in Staples and Office Max stores, so computer geeks won’t die of starvation. However, it is still a big deal in England.

Prince William has told Kate, his bride-to-be, that he can’t stand fruit cake and if they want to remain happily married, he wants his very own groom cake made with 17 kilos of chocolate and 1,700 McVitie “Rich Tea” cookies. Click here to read the Royal decree: Groom cake

While all this was going on, Abercrombie and Fitch was feeling rather left out of the limelight, so it introduced a line of risqué bikinis for young adults. Some of whom are only in the second grade. They were pitching the Jane Russell-type tops to young women, who are still in the development stage. Click here to read that fiasco: Designer Bikini.

I suppose Abercrombie’s head designer came home from work worn out one day, to find his 8-year-old daughter stuffing her T-top with rolled up socks, trying to look like Barbie; but not even thinking about what was running through Ken’s mind, when a light bulb went on and found another GE loophole. Yes, it’s the same company that made headlines with a white t-shirt depicting Chinese laundry workers wearing conical hats saying “Wong Brothers Laundry Service: Two Wongs Can Make It White.” I feel sorry for the guy. If he had been praying to Francis de Sales, the patron saint of writer’s block, that would never have happened.

When the smoke cleared from the headlines, Abercrombie won hands down and some misguided toddler over in Liverpool was caught humping plush toys in Lewis’ Department Store. However, since the offense is not currently listed in Scotland Yard’s handbook, it was ignored.

This is a bit scary, isn’t it? The Prince and Kate will be married on April 29, 2011. By September of 2019, they are destined to have a Royal heir in the second grade.

What will become of “Goodby Mr. Chips,” “Pippi Longstocking,” and “The Adventures of Taxi Dog;” while Abercrombie plays Rod Stewart’s “If You Think I’m Sexy” out on the children’s catwalk?